I'll start by giving a little history, which you may or may not know about my hubby, Vince, and me. Vince and I met in a pretty non-traditional way, especially considering that we met in 1997. We met online through a chat room. He lived in California and I was living in Connecticut. We spent hours talking online and our friendship grew into an amazing relationship. Finally in 2004, we were able to finally be together in the same place. He moved here to Wichita and we got to see how wonderful life was when we were able to be together everyday instead of short visits a couple of times a year. Life just got better and better. He has always been my rock and my support. I knew that he would always have my back and help me be strong in anything that I chose to do.
That has continued and grown as I have been on my journey to a healthier lifestyle. I decided one day that I wanted to do this and shared it with him. He told me that he was there for me and would support me in whatever I wanted to do. I changed our diets, changed our habits, and started making changes to my routines and normal practices. He has never complained about not getting his McDonald's regularly, though he still can have it for lunch when he wants, or about the amount of time I spend working out both at home and away from home or about getting up on Saturday mornings to come with me to a race, no matter the weather, to support me at the start of the race and to be the smiling cheering face I see as I cross the finish line. I never have to worry about him complaining about me buying new things to use for workouts, from running shoes, which are never cheap, to a stability ball for more intense ab workouts. In fact, for Christmas, he gave me new workout socks and a gift certificate to Go Run.
Now these are the things that I've talked about before and have gushed about, at least once, on Facebook. But there is more that I haven't shared as much. Vince has been my inspiration to stay positive when things aren't going the way I wish they were. When my weight went up for the first time after weeks of going down, I was in tears about it. It was so frustrating to see that things weren't going my way. Vince hugged me and made me think about all the changes I had made and reminded me that part of losing weight and making healthier choices is remembering that gains will happen and it can't set me back. I have to keep moving forward. He's the one who reminds me that I am building muscle, which can slow down weight loss. He's the one who points out to me all the lifestyle changes I have made and how big of a deal that is. As he always has been, he is the one who helps build my strength by always being strong for me when I'm not feeling strong. He's my number one cheerleader and the quiet voice of confidence who is with me all the time.
I do need to say that I'm not surprised by any of this. He is being what he has always been for me for as long as I have known him. And I know he probably won't be thrilled that I'm writing this about him. He doesn't see what he does as remarkable or wonderful. He just sees it as part of being my husband. And that is a large part of what makes him as incredible as he is.
So as I continue my journey, I go, as always, with my strongest support in my corner where he always is, supporting, cheering, celebrating, and loving me as I make my life better for me. :)
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
The Best Things: New Recipes
I love to cook. Cooking has been a favorite thing for me for years, though I enjoy cooking even more when I have someone to cook for. I have always liked trying new recipes and seeing how I can tweak them to make them better for us. I don't cook without recipes. I'm not good at figuring out how to take random ingredients and come up with a masterpiece, but I am good at taking a recipe and figuring out what I can change to make it better. I like to bake as well, but I'm almost too impatient for that. I like eating baked goods, but I don't really like to wait for them to be done or for multiple batches to be finished.
Within the last several years, I stopped trying new recipes. I think I just got lazy. It was easier to fall back on an old favorite rather than trying new things. In contrast, we tried different restaurants all the time. I didn't have any really easy recipes that were quick to make after a long day at school so we would go out to eat instead. More signs that I was getting lazier. I still cooked some, but like I said, it was more likely to be something I made all the time. And eating leftovers didn't always happen. I'm embarrassed to admit how much food I used to throw away. Talk about first world problems. We'd go out to eat with leftovers in the fridge.
One of the first steps I took when I started on this journey was to cut out fast food restaurants. We continued to go out to eat on Friday nights and probably always will. I'm not willing to give up date night. :) So I knew with my resolution not to eat out during the week that I was going to have to start cooking more. I was going to have to have things that I could throw together when life got crazy. That I was going to have to get used to eating leftovers because that made for easy dinners. Around that same time, I started an account on Pintrest. I started pinning recipes that were for calorie loaded desserts (several of which I tried and they were AMAZING!). I knew I would have to change that. The calorie loaded desserts weren't going to get me where I wanted to go. Through Pintrest I found several different websites that had WW friendly recipes and most of their recipes already had the WW points+ calculated for me. It was a godsend to have so many new recipes available to me to try and see what we liked and what we didn't. Truthfully, it was mostly what I liked and what I didn't. Vince rarely has a problem with anything that I cook, which makes him so easy to cook for!
I've been trying new recipes and while I still have some favorites that I will make more often than others, I have really been trying new things. This weekend I made a meatballs and spaghetti soup that is so easy and delicious. I really love making soups! So delicious and warming during the cold winter months. I don't think I would have started looking around for recipes as much without my journey. So now I get to eat delicious things that are good for me as well! Double bonus!
So eating healthy, homemade meals will keep me moving along in my journey! :)
Within the last several years, I stopped trying new recipes. I think I just got lazy. It was easier to fall back on an old favorite rather than trying new things. In contrast, we tried different restaurants all the time. I didn't have any really easy recipes that were quick to make after a long day at school so we would go out to eat instead. More signs that I was getting lazier. I still cooked some, but like I said, it was more likely to be something I made all the time. And eating leftovers didn't always happen. I'm embarrassed to admit how much food I used to throw away. Talk about first world problems. We'd go out to eat with leftovers in the fridge.
One of the first steps I took when I started on this journey was to cut out fast food restaurants. We continued to go out to eat on Friday nights and probably always will. I'm not willing to give up date night. :) So I knew with my resolution not to eat out during the week that I was going to have to start cooking more. I was going to have to have things that I could throw together when life got crazy. That I was going to have to get used to eating leftovers because that made for easy dinners. Around that same time, I started an account on Pintrest. I started pinning recipes that were for calorie loaded desserts (several of which I tried and they were AMAZING!). I knew I would have to change that. The calorie loaded desserts weren't going to get me where I wanted to go. Through Pintrest I found several different websites that had WW friendly recipes and most of their recipes already had the WW points+ calculated for me. It was a godsend to have so many new recipes available to me to try and see what we liked and what we didn't. Truthfully, it was mostly what I liked and what I didn't. Vince rarely has a problem with anything that I cook, which makes him so easy to cook for!
I've been trying new recipes and while I still have some favorites that I will make more often than others, I have really been trying new things. This weekend I made a meatballs and spaghetti soup that is so easy and delicious. I really love making soups! So delicious and warming during the cold winter months. I don't think I would have started looking around for recipes as much without my journey. So now I get to eat delicious things that are good for me as well! Double bonus!
So eating healthy, homemade meals will keep me moving along in my journey! :)
Saturday, December 15, 2012
The Best Things: Oversized Sweaters and Sweatshirts
Okay, so I know I spent an earlier blog extolling the virtues of being able to wear smaller t-shirts. This blog does not take aways from that one. I still love being able to wear smaller t-shirts, sweatshirts, sweaters...heck any kind of clothing that I can wear in smaller sizes.
However, there is something wonderful about oversized sweatshirts and sweaters. I have always loved wearing big sweatshirts and sweaters and for a while was not really able to find them. I would had to pay a whole lot of extra money to have oversized clothing, if I had been able to find them. I settled for sweaters that weren't form fitting, but weren't too loose. Sweatshirts feel into the same category. In fact, finding sweatshirts in my size was no easy task. Usually the biggest sizes they had were 2XL, and those defintely weren't loose.
Now I can take all of those clothes and wear them and poof! I have oversized clothing. For example, I have one black sweater that has always been a little big...even when I was bigger. Now it is huge on me! It is guarenteed to get people to tell me to buy new clothes. But, I love wearing that sweater around the house! As I told Vince, it's like wearing my own snuggly blanket. :) I have sweatshirts that swallow me up! My Willie the Wildcat sweatshirt is gigantic and I love it. I can sit with my legs crossed and pull the sweatshirt over my knees and it covers me up! Hoodies that I haven't been able to wear comfortably are big on me now. It's awesome!
Yes, I do plan on buying a lot of new clothes that will fit me. Yes, I will buy new sweaters and sweatshirts and have asked for some for Christmas in the sizes that fit me now. But, I won't be getting rid of my old ones any time soon because I love having them around for two reasons. One, I can snuggle up in them when I get chilly in the evening. Two, it really reminds me how far I have come. When you put those two reasons together, there is no better feeling then wearing a big sweatshirt on a cold night while I'm watching TV.
So yes, I'll be continuing my journey, sometimes in oversized clothes because I like the way it makes me feel. :)
However, there is something wonderful about oversized sweatshirts and sweaters. I have always loved wearing big sweatshirts and sweaters and for a while was not really able to find them. I would had to pay a whole lot of extra money to have oversized clothing, if I had been able to find them. I settled for sweaters that weren't form fitting, but weren't too loose. Sweatshirts feel into the same category. In fact, finding sweatshirts in my size was no easy task. Usually the biggest sizes they had were 2XL, and those defintely weren't loose.
Now I can take all of those clothes and wear them and poof! I have oversized clothing. For example, I have one black sweater that has always been a little big...even when I was bigger. Now it is huge on me! It is guarenteed to get people to tell me to buy new clothes. But, I love wearing that sweater around the house! As I told Vince, it's like wearing my own snuggly blanket. :) I have sweatshirts that swallow me up! My Willie the Wildcat sweatshirt is gigantic and I love it. I can sit with my legs crossed and pull the sweatshirt over my knees and it covers me up! Hoodies that I haven't been able to wear comfortably are big on me now. It's awesome!
Yes, I do plan on buying a lot of new clothes that will fit me. Yes, I will buy new sweaters and sweatshirts and have asked for some for Christmas in the sizes that fit me now. But, I won't be getting rid of my old ones any time soon because I love having them around for two reasons. One, I can snuggle up in them when I get chilly in the evening. Two, it really reminds me how far I have come. When you put those two reasons together, there is no better feeling then wearing a big sweatshirt on a cold night while I'm watching TV.
So yes, I'll be continuing my journey, sometimes in oversized clothes because I like the way it makes me feel. :)
Thursday, December 13, 2012
The Best Things: Unexpected Inspiration
A friend of mine from work lost her fourteen year old granddaughter, Bekah, to cancer this week. While some of you might know the story, others of you might not have heard it.
I don't want to spend a lot of time talking about the medical side of things for two reasons. First, I don't know much about it and second, that's not the most important part of this story.
When Bekah found out that the prognosis wasn't good, she made a list of things that she wanted to accomplish before it was her time. A young lady who just learned that she wasn't going to be able to experience a lot of milestones in her life and she made goals that she wanted to meet. She wasn't willing to sit back and watch her life waste away. She wanted to do things, experience things, and live while she was alive. At a time when many people would be feeling sorry for themselves and hiding away from the world, Bekah allowed her family to post about her life on pages on Facebook, inspiring more people than they probably ever thought possible. She drove a truck and rode a horse. She helped increase awareness about ovarian cancer so others might not have to go through what she and her family were going through.
Bekah's influence has been wide spread. I have seen many people who I know separate from my friend who have been supporting Bekah and helping her meet her goals. While I was Christmas shopping yesterday, I saw someone wearing a Battle for Bekah t-shirt. People, like me, who never actually met her have gained so much perspective and inspiration from her. It is truly amazing what this young lady accomplished in her short lifetime.
As Bekah was going through her fight with cancer and I was reading about her struggles, I started thinking about my blog and whether or not I should keep doing this. It somehow felt like it wasn't as important as I originally thought. After all, they were going through this huge struggle and it almost felt like gloating. But then I thought about it some more. One of the things that was most moving for me was reading Bekah's mom's posts to the Facebook page, sharing her thoughts, feeling, frustrations, difficulties, struggles, and triumphs. Reading about what Bekah was accomplishing and how the family was coming together to support each other was incredibly inspiring to me. It made me want to be stronger and to do more.
Now my blog and Facebook updates are very different than their entries and I won't even try to compare them because I don't want to take anything away from Bekah and her mom. However, if they can inspire me by being honest and open, maybe I can have the same effect on someone else. Maybe all of my posting about my journey and struggles and triumphs can, on a different level, have a positive effect on someone else. So I'm going to keep going strong with my blogging and keep in mind a beautiful, strong young lady who did amazing things in horrible circumstances.
With her inspiration, I will continue forward on my journey wearing a teal bracelet as a daily reminder to be strong, keep fighting, and treasure daily those who matter the most.
RIP Bekah. Heaven is a brighter place with you among its numbers.
I don't want to spend a lot of time talking about the medical side of things for two reasons. First, I don't know much about it and second, that's not the most important part of this story.
When Bekah found out that the prognosis wasn't good, she made a list of things that she wanted to accomplish before it was her time. A young lady who just learned that she wasn't going to be able to experience a lot of milestones in her life and she made goals that she wanted to meet. She wasn't willing to sit back and watch her life waste away. She wanted to do things, experience things, and live while she was alive. At a time when many people would be feeling sorry for themselves and hiding away from the world, Bekah allowed her family to post about her life on pages on Facebook, inspiring more people than they probably ever thought possible. She drove a truck and rode a horse. She helped increase awareness about ovarian cancer so others might not have to go through what she and her family were going through.
Bekah's influence has been wide spread. I have seen many people who I know separate from my friend who have been supporting Bekah and helping her meet her goals. While I was Christmas shopping yesterday, I saw someone wearing a Battle for Bekah t-shirt. People, like me, who never actually met her have gained so much perspective and inspiration from her. It is truly amazing what this young lady accomplished in her short lifetime.
As Bekah was going through her fight with cancer and I was reading about her struggles, I started thinking about my blog and whether or not I should keep doing this. It somehow felt like it wasn't as important as I originally thought. After all, they were going through this huge struggle and it almost felt like gloating. But then I thought about it some more. One of the things that was most moving for me was reading Bekah's mom's posts to the Facebook page, sharing her thoughts, feeling, frustrations, difficulties, struggles, and triumphs. Reading about what Bekah was accomplishing and how the family was coming together to support each other was incredibly inspiring to me. It made me want to be stronger and to do more.
Now my blog and Facebook updates are very different than their entries and I won't even try to compare them because I don't want to take anything away from Bekah and her mom. However, if they can inspire me by being honest and open, maybe I can have the same effect on someone else. Maybe all of my posting about my journey and struggles and triumphs can, on a different level, have a positive effect on someone else. So I'm going to keep going strong with my blogging and keep in mind a beautiful, strong young lady who did amazing things in horrible circumstances.
With her inspiration, I will continue forward on my journey wearing a teal bracelet as a daily reminder to be strong, keep fighting, and treasure daily those who matter the most.
RIP Bekah. Heaven is a brighter place with you among its numbers.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
The Best Things: Strength and Determination
If you are someone who has been following my blog, I need to appologize for missing so many days. When I started, I was determined to do this every day and started off strong, but things have been kind of crazy this week. But just as with everything else in my life these days, I'm going to pick up and move on from here with renewed determination to blog every day.
This "Best Thing" might seem like a "duh." Obviously I am physically stronger than I've been in a long time because I'm working out and eating better. That is true...and awesome! I was shaving my legs the other day and was truly amazed at the muscles in my calves. I've always had some muscle in my calves, but now they are really defined and strong. That's pretty awesome! I can walk, at a good clip, for at least six miles. I can run though not as far or as long as I can walk. I'm starting to see some muscle in my arms, though they still have a ways to go in that area. Being physically stronger is great and I love that I'm starting to see the effects of the work I'm doing in my physical appearance. I'm not just smaller, but I'm starting to have some muscles on those smaller parts. :)
However, when I thought of strength as a "Best Thing," I wasn't only thinking about physical strength. I was thinking more about mental strength. The strength that is required to keep going even when it's hard, to keep fighting when it would be easier to give up. I don't think I've ever been completely weak as far as mental strength, but I wouldn't say that I've been strong either. I spent a lot of years not doing things that were good for myself because it was easier not to. It takes less strength to sit on the couch eating McDonalds than it does to get up, workout, and make something healthier for dinner. It is a lot easier to keep putting off making any changes in your life than it is to get up and do something. It's definitely easier to give up when things don't go the way you want them to go. This isn't me anymore. I have the strength to keep fighting and working when it would be easier to stop. When I'm physically sore, I keep pushing and working because I know that I can do more. But, when I'm hurt, I have the strength to slow down, but not stop, to make sure that I'm not causing physical damage. I'm strong enough to resist temptation, because I know that will just make everything harder. I'm determined enough to stick with my journey even when the scale doesn't show me what I want to see. I'm not giving up on this journey. I can do this and I'm going to! I'm stronger than I've ever been and I'm only getting stronger!
I have a perfect example from this week. My weigh in didn't go the way that I had hoped it would. I was up a little bit in my weight after a week that wasn't particularly bad or good. Just sort of a middle of the road week where I worked out a little and ate mostly what I should, though I have McDonalds before the TSO concert because it was the easiest way to do things. My first instinct when I stepped on the scale and saw that I went up a little was to be frustrated and angry. I didn't want to give up, but I wanted to give in to frustration. However, I made myself stop and think. What had I done or not done that led to this gain? I realized that I hadn't pushed as hard as I could have and hadn't worked out as much as I could have. I made a new goal for myself and rededicated myself to continuing to push. The strength to do that is something I haven't always had. I haven't always been determined to make those choices and stick with them.
So with my newfound physical and mental strength and determination, I continue forward with my journey making the tough choices and sticking with them.
This "Best Thing" might seem like a "duh." Obviously I am physically stronger than I've been in a long time because I'm working out and eating better. That is true...and awesome! I was shaving my legs the other day and was truly amazed at the muscles in my calves. I've always had some muscle in my calves, but now they are really defined and strong. That's pretty awesome! I can walk, at a good clip, for at least six miles. I can run though not as far or as long as I can walk. I'm starting to see some muscle in my arms, though they still have a ways to go in that area. Being physically stronger is great and I love that I'm starting to see the effects of the work I'm doing in my physical appearance. I'm not just smaller, but I'm starting to have some muscles on those smaller parts. :)
However, when I thought of strength as a "Best Thing," I wasn't only thinking about physical strength. I was thinking more about mental strength. The strength that is required to keep going even when it's hard, to keep fighting when it would be easier to give up. I don't think I've ever been completely weak as far as mental strength, but I wouldn't say that I've been strong either. I spent a lot of years not doing things that were good for myself because it was easier not to. It takes less strength to sit on the couch eating McDonalds than it does to get up, workout, and make something healthier for dinner. It is a lot easier to keep putting off making any changes in your life than it is to get up and do something. It's definitely easier to give up when things don't go the way you want them to go. This isn't me anymore. I have the strength to keep fighting and working when it would be easier to stop. When I'm physically sore, I keep pushing and working because I know that I can do more. But, when I'm hurt, I have the strength to slow down, but not stop, to make sure that I'm not causing physical damage. I'm strong enough to resist temptation, because I know that will just make everything harder. I'm determined enough to stick with my journey even when the scale doesn't show me what I want to see. I'm not giving up on this journey. I can do this and I'm going to! I'm stronger than I've ever been and I'm only getting stronger!
I have a perfect example from this week. My weigh in didn't go the way that I had hoped it would. I was up a little bit in my weight after a week that wasn't particularly bad or good. Just sort of a middle of the road week where I worked out a little and ate mostly what I should, though I have McDonalds before the TSO concert because it was the easiest way to do things. My first instinct when I stepped on the scale and saw that I went up a little was to be frustrated and angry. I didn't want to give up, but I wanted to give in to frustration. However, I made myself stop and think. What had I done or not done that led to this gain? I realized that I hadn't pushed as hard as I could have and hadn't worked out as much as I could have. I made a new goal for myself and rededicated myself to continuing to push. The strength to do that is something I haven't always had. I haven't always been determined to make those choices and stick with them.
So with my newfound physical and mental strength and determination, I continue forward with my journey making the tough choices and sticking with them.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
The Best Things: Confidence
I posted something on Facebook in January about looking in the mirror in my mused state and thinking that I looked pretty and how that was a huge step for me with my insecurity issues. The feedback I got on that post was interesting. There were people who were shocked that I struggled with insecurity. It's been something that I have struggled with for a lot of years. I honestly think I used to be a confident kiddo, but somewhere along the way I lost my confidence.
It doesn't help that I have struggled with my weight for years. Being fat didn't help me with my confidence at all. I didn't like the way I looked or the way I felt or the choices I was making, so that made it really hard to like me. I know and have always known that I'm a good person with a strong personality, but that wasn't enough to keep my head held high. As more time passed, I got bigger and felt worse about myself. Add into that some really unhealthy relationships that tore at my self-esteem and you have me...a person who didn't think much of herself or her worth.
Now, I finally worked out the relationship stuff and have an amazing marriage and friendship with my awesome husband who is the perfect man for me. I won't go on about him here because he does read these and doesn't really like it when I gush. I'll leave it with this: Vince helped rebuild some of my confidence and always did everything he could to help me see what he sees when he looks at me.
Since I've started my journey, I've noticed that I have a lot more confidence. I walk with my head held high. I smile more and enjoy everything more than I used to. I'm proud of myself and I think it shows in the way I carry myself. The good personality that I have always known I had is able to shine through more now because I'm don't feel as self-conscious. It's not just about how I look or my weight. It's about how I feel and I feel like I'm finally becoming the best me that I can be. I'm not bogged down with negativity or self-doubt. My friend Erin Withers, who is finding her second appearance in my blog, said it best when she said that I'm finally comfortable in my own skin. Finally I'm happy to be me. I'm not perfect by any stretch, but I'm stronger and more self-assured than I was before.
So with this new found confidence, I'll continue on my journey with my head held high and a smile on my face, remembering that being me is a pretty cool thing to be. :)
It doesn't help that I have struggled with my weight for years. Being fat didn't help me with my confidence at all. I didn't like the way I looked or the way I felt or the choices I was making, so that made it really hard to like me. I know and have always known that I'm a good person with a strong personality, but that wasn't enough to keep my head held high. As more time passed, I got bigger and felt worse about myself. Add into that some really unhealthy relationships that tore at my self-esteem and you have me...a person who didn't think much of herself or her worth.
Now, I finally worked out the relationship stuff and have an amazing marriage and friendship with my awesome husband who is the perfect man for me. I won't go on about him here because he does read these and doesn't really like it when I gush. I'll leave it with this: Vince helped rebuild some of my confidence and always did everything he could to help me see what he sees when he looks at me.
Since I've started my journey, I've noticed that I have a lot more confidence. I walk with my head held high. I smile more and enjoy everything more than I used to. I'm proud of myself and I think it shows in the way I carry myself. The good personality that I have always known I had is able to shine through more now because I'm don't feel as self-conscious. It's not just about how I look or my weight. It's about how I feel and I feel like I'm finally becoming the best me that I can be. I'm not bogged down with negativity or self-doubt. My friend Erin Withers, who is finding her second appearance in my blog, said it best when she said that I'm finally comfortable in my own skin. Finally I'm happy to be me. I'm not perfect by any stretch, but I'm stronger and more self-assured than I was before.
So with this new found confidence, I'll continue on my journey with my head held high and a smile on my face, remembering that being me is a pretty cool thing to be. :)
The Best Things: Support
When I first started thinking about my journey, I didn't talk to anyone about it. I kept it quiet because I hadn't really made up my mind and I wasn't sure that it was something I was going to be successful doing. I'm not sure exactly what it was that made me decide it was time, but whatever it was jumped on me one afternoon at school and I went home and put on comfortable clothes and went for a walk. When Vince got home from work, I told him what I had done and that I wanted to start eating healthier too. He told me, without any hesitation, that he was behind me in anything that I wanted to do. I asked if he would walk with me sometimes and he told me sure. From the very beginning, he has always been behind me 100% and would do anything possible to help me be successful in anything I want to do as long as it doesn't hurt me.
I started hinting on Facebook that I had made a decision but didn't share what it was right away. I didn't feel like I was doing anything that great, but a small part of me was proud and wanted to share. As soon as I started posting anything, the support began. People started asking me what I was doing and when I told them, they were nothing but supportive and encouraging.
After a week and a half, I finally let it out and shared my first weight loss with the Facebook community. The response I got to that post was almost overwhelming. So many people liked my status and offered supportive comments that I was amazed! It made me want to be even more successful and have even more positive news to share.
Then came my first gain...wow, I sure didn't want to post anything that week. I wanted to keep that news to myself and not put anything on Facebook, but I wouldn't give myself that out. If I was going to post the good, I was going to post the bad. So I put it up there. And I still got support and encouragement. It felt good to know that I had support no matter what.
As my journey has continued, my exercise routine included lots of walking and, one crazy night, some running. Of course, I couldn't wait to get to Facebook to share that I had actually done some running! And as with every stage of this journey, my friends were there to support me and encourage me to keep it up. Such an outpouring of support!
In addition to the Facebook world, I have the daily support of my friends and coworkers. So many people offer me compliments and encouragement to keep going on my journey. I don't know if all of you know how much that means to me and how much it really helps. It may seem like a small thing, but it is huge to me. Now, please don't take this as begging for compliments, I just wanted to make sure that you know how much you really help me through a difficult journey.
And last, but definitely not least, my family has been behind me so strong from the very beginning. I don't think anyone was as excited as my parents when they heard I was starting this journey or when they started to see the results. Before I started the journey, they would occasionally frustrate me with their pushing for me to be healthier and take better care of myself, but I know they always had the best intentions. Now they are always in my corner and honestly couldn't be more proud of me. My extended family is the same way. My cousins and cousins-in-law have been great, from my cousin Michelle who sent me a turtle necklace that I wear everyday to my cousin LuLu who is always so excited and passionate in her support of me. Weight issues have always been a part of my family and my aunts and uncles have the same struggles that I do and so they are behind me with their support and words of experience to keep my spirits high and not let me get down when things aren't easy or the numbers aren't dropping as I would like.
I've always had amazing friends and family who have always been in my corner. Through my journey the support has only increased. I wanted to write this blog to recognized what a huge part of my success that you all have been and how much I appreciate it. I don't know that I say it enough or make it clear how much it means to me, but I am so thankful to have all of you behind me as I made these changes in my life. So this blog is for all of you as a way for me to say thank you and make sure you know that all of you are definitely some of the "best things" in my life!
So with the strongest support network ever, I continue forward in my journey! Thank you all so very, very much!
I started hinting on Facebook that I had made a decision but didn't share what it was right away. I didn't feel like I was doing anything that great, but a small part of me was proud and wanted to share. As soon as I started posting anything, the support began. People started asking me what I was doing and when I told them, they were nothing but supportive and encouraging.
After a week and a half, I finally let it out and shared my first weight loss with the Facebook community. The response I got to that post was almost overwhelming. So many people liked my status and offered supportive comments that I was amazed! It made me want to be even more successful and have even more positive news to share.
Then came my first gain...wow, I sure didn't want to post anything that week. I wanted to keep that news to myself and not put anything on Facebook, but I wouldn't give myself that out. If I was going to post the good, I was going to post the bad. So I put it up there. And I still got support and encouragement. It felt good to know that I had support no matter what.
As my journey has continued, my exercise routine included lots of walking and, one crazy night, some running. Of course, I couldn't wait to get to Facebook to share that I had actually done some running! And as with every stage of this journey, my friends were there to support me and encourage me to keep it up. Such an outpouring of support!
In addition to the Facebook world, I have the daily support of my friends and coworkers. So many people offer me compliments and encouragement to keep going on my journey. I don't know if all of you know how much that means to me and how much it really helps. It may seem like a small thing, but it is huge to me. Now, please don't take this as begging for compliments, I just wanted to make sure that you know how much you really help me through a difficult journey.
And last, but definitely not least, my family has been behind me so strong from the very beginning. I don't think anyone was as excited as my parents when they heard I was starting this journey or when they started to see the results. Before I started the journey, they would occasionally frustrate me with their pushing for me to be healthier and take better care of myself, but I know they always had the best intentions. Now they are always in my corner and honestly couldn't be more proud of me. My extended family is the same way. My cousins and cousins-in-law have been great, from my cousin Michelle who sent me a turtle necklace that I wear everyday to my cousin LuLu who is always so excited and passionate in her support of me. Weight issues have always been a part of my family and my aunts and uncles have the same struggles that I do and so they are behind me with their support and words of experience to keep my spirits high and not let me get down when things aren't easy or the numbers aren't dropping as I would like.
I've always had amazing friends and family who have always been in my corner. Through my journey the support has only increased. I wanted to write this blog to recognized what a huge part of my success that you all have been and how much I appreciate it. I don't know that I say it enough or make it clear how much it means to me, but I am so thankful to have all of you behind me as I made these changes in my life. So this blog is for all of you as a way for me to say thank you and make sure you know that all of you are definitely some of the "best things" in my life!
So with the strongest support network ever, I continue forward in my journey! Thank you all so very, very much!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
The Best Things: Better Health
I've been debating about whether this was the right time to write this one or not. The reason for the debate is that I have a cold right now, which makes it seem like a bad time to extolling the health benefits of my journey, but there are many other things that are going on that make me think this is a good time to write it.
I've done things most of my young adult to adult life that haven't been the best for me or my health. As I covered in a previous blog, I started smoking when I was a dumb teenager. I used to drink a lot more than I should. I've always struggled with my weight and haven't been a very active person.
Somewhere around 12 years ago, I made some definite decisions about my drinking and decided, pretty easily, that I didn't need to drink as much as I had been and it was time to be smarter. Nine years ago yesterday, I decided that it was time to quit smoking. That was a lot harder for me, but I was able to conquer that too. My weight and lack of activity...I didn't really spend much time working to make that better. I figured if food was my only vice then I was doing pretty well. I didn't spend a lot of time worrying about it.
The part I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about was what I was doing to myself. Anytime I would go to the district health fair, they would tell me that I was obese, my blood pressure was high, and either my cholesterol or blood sugar was borderline high (it never seemed to be the same one). So I stopped going to the health fair. I used the excuse that I had to drive to South High early on a Saturday morning, often around Valentine's Day. One of my doctors started to talk to me about my weight and my blood pressure and I said I was going to make changes, but it never really translated to action and I only saw that doctor once a year anyway. The fact of the matter was that I didn't want to hear about it. I wanted to believe that I was a relatively healthy big person and being overweight wasn't that big of a deal.
I tried to ignore the fact that I wasn't a relatively healthy big person. I was a big person that ignored all the things that I didn't want to see. I had a ton of aches and pains. I woke up sore more mornings than I didn't. My resting heart rate was higher than it should be as well as my blood pressure being high. I got sick pretty easy because I didn't take care of myself. I suffered from chronic and often severe back problems, which I won't talk about too much because I covered that in a different post. I had severe flare ups of my arthritis in my knees and while my weight didn't cause the arthritis, it definitely complicated things and made it worse.
Finally when I decided that it was time to take better care of myself and make the healthy changes that I needed to, I started to see the results. As I talked about before, almost immediately I saw the benefit of not having my May/June back pain and immobility because of that. I didn't think about it much, but I wasn't getting sick as often. In fact, I have only been to my doctor twice since since I started on this journey and one of those times was for hip pain as a result of my workouts. I don't get sick as often. In general, I feel so much better than I used to. I can wear shoes other than tennis shoes and not have the foot and ankle pain that I used to have. While I still have some soreness, I know that it is due to getting in shape, which somehow makes it easier to deal with. :)
As some of you know very well, I've had some pretty serious health concerns during this time period, which might make this blog seem a little contradictory. However, none of those problems are related to my physical health in general and, honestly, I was better able to deal with them because of my improved health. When I had previous health procedures done, there were concerns about my blood pressure being as high as it was. That wasn't a concern this time around. I recovered more quickly with fewer complications because of being in better health. So while I have had some health concerns since I started this journey, overall, I would say that I am definitely in better health since I started taking care of myself and I couldn't be more pleased!
So with my sniffles and coughs (sadly, being in better health doesn't make me invincible), I will embrace the changes I've made and continue on my journey, happy in the knowledge that I'm healthier than I've been in years.
I've done things most of my young adult to adult life that haven't been the best for me or my health. As I covered in a previous blog, I started smoking when I was a dumb teenager. I used to drink a lot more than I should. I've always struggled with my weight and haven't been a very active person.
Somewhere around 12 years ago, I made some definite decisions about my drinking and decided, pretty easily, that I didn't need to drink as much as I had been and it was time to be smarter. Nine years ago yesterday, I decided that it was time to quit smoking. That was a lot harder for me, but I was able to conquer that too. My weight and lack of activity...I didn't really spend much time working to make that better. I figured if food was my only vice then I was doing pretty well. I didn't spend a lot of time worrying about it.
The part I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about was what I was doing to myself. Anytime I would go to the district health fair, they would tell me that I was obese, my blood pressure was high, and either my cholesterol or blood sugar was borderline high (it never seemed to be the same one). So I stopped going to the health fair. I used the excuse that I had to drive to South High early on a Saturday morning, often around Valentine's Day. One of my doctors started to talk to me about my weight and my blood pressure and I said I was going to make changes, but it never really translated to action and I only saw that doctor once a year anyway. The fact of the matter was that I didn't want to hear about it. I wanted to believe that I was a relatively healthy big person and being overweight wasn't that big of a deal.
I tried to ignore the fact that I wasn't a relatively healthy big person. I was a big person that ignored all the things that I didn't want to see. I had a ton of aches and pains. I woke up sore more mornings than I didn't. My resting heart rate was higher than it should be as well as my blood pressure being high. I got sick pretty easy because I didn't take care of myself. I suffered from chronic and often severe back problems, which I won't talk about too much because I covered that in a different post. I had severe flare ups of my arthritis in my knees and while my weight didn't cause the arthritis, it definitely complicated things and made it worse.
Finally when I decided that it was time to take better care of myself and make the healthy changes that I needed to, I started to see the results. As I talked about before, almost immediately I saw the benefit of not having my May/June back pain and immobility because of that. I didn't think about it much, but I wasn't getting sick as often. In fact, I have only been to my doctor twice since since I started on this journey and one of those times was for hip pain as a result of my workouts. I don't get sick as often. In general, I feel so much better than I used to. I can wear shoes other than tennis shoes and not have the foot and ankle pain that I used to have. While I still have some soreness, I know that it is due to getting in shape, which somehow makes it easier to deal with. :)
As some of you know very well, I've had some pretty serious health concerns during this time period, which might make this blog seem a little contradictory. However, none of those problems are related to my physical health in general and, honestly, I was better able to deal with them because of my improved health. When I had previous health procedures done, there were concerns about my blood pressure being as high as it was. That wasn't a concern this time around. I recovered more quickly with fewer complications because of being in better health. So while I have had some health concerns since I started this journey, overall, I would say that I am definitely in better health since I started taking care of myself and I couldn't be more pleased!
So with my sniffles and coughs (sadly, being in better health doesn't make me invincible), I will embrace the changes I've made and continue on my journey, happy in the knowledge that I'm healthier than I've been in years.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
The Best Things: Realizations
This morning I did the Jingle Bell Run 4 mile race and made and set a goal for myself that I actually beat. It was my first 4 mile race and so I didn't really know how fast I could do it. I used my last race time to set my goal of 50 minutes. However, I was able to beat that, by a little bit, finishing in 49:38! I'm really excited about this time and what I was able to accomplish, but I can't use race day as one of my "Best Things" because I've already written that one. So now I had to think. What should I write about today? And my brain couldn't help but focus on what my friend Nicci said to me this morning before the race. She told me how proud she was of me and what I had accomplished in less than a year. She asked me if last December I would have believed that I would be doing a race, let alone another race. That got me thinking.
I realized that I really have accomplished a lot. I made the decision to live a healthier life on April 26th. That's a little over seven months ago. Let's go on a journey in the not so way back machine to look at my life before April 26th.
Vince and I ate fast food two to three times every week. This only exercise I ever got was walking up and down the steps at work. I wore my capri pants all year round because they fit me more comfortably than any of my other pants. I bought new tunic style shirts because I didn't have to get larger sizes to have that style fit and it covered a lot of me, which was always a good thing. I drank Pepsi almost every day and sometimes more than one can or bottle. I wished that I could lose weight, but it didn't go any further than that. I paid for a YMCA membership that was gathering dust and hadn't been utilized in months. I used to reset my Wii Fit character so I wouldn't have to see the weight go up. I dreaded the idea of weighing 300 pounds but didn't do anything about stopping my weight from getting there. I used to chuckle at people who would get up early to run or workout because that wasn't something I was ever going to do. Eating donuts or bagel for breakfast on the weekends was a regular occurence and it wasn't usually just one. Wow...thinking about it now, I realize that it really wasn't a pretty picture.
Now back to today. I work out no less than three times a week. We eat fast food very rarely...though we do occasionally still do Chick-Fil-A, but only once in a while. I have been a part of six races: five 5Ks and one four mile. My Y membership has gotten quite a workout, though lately I've been working out at home as much as at the Y. I had to buy new jeans because my others were falling off of me. I have had one Pepsi in the past seven months and actually walked by a table of free Pepsi this morning and didn't even think about having one. I eat much healthier and cook a lot more. I look gleefully towards weighing less than 200 pounds and am doing something about getting there. My days of using the Wii Fit has gone up to 200 some days because I don't reset it anymore. I've had two bagels in the past seven months and now wish longingly that they were better for me, because Panera Asiago cheese bagels are AMAZING!! And last, but definitely not least, I've lost 75.4 pounds!!
My life is so different from what it used to be. And all of this has happened in seven months! I forget that sometimes. I forget that I've changed my life so much and have done it in only seven months. That's a realization that I need to keep in mind. Sometimes I get frustrated that I'm not where I want to be with my weight or my fitness. I hate to admit it but sometimes I'm jealous when I see the times of people in my age group who are finishing in the top three. I need to remember that I have only been working out for seven months. I've only been doing races since August and have cut almost nine minutes off of my 5K time. In fact, today it took me only one minute long to complete four miles than it did to do a 5K in my first race. :)
So there are my realizations. I know they aren't technically in the same spirit as my other "Best Things," but I think they are pretty awesome and wanted to share them! I'm in a good place right now and am excited about where I'm going. So I'll just keep on moving on my journey and will keep these realizations in mind.
I realized that I really have accomplished a lot. I made the decision to live a healthier life on April 26th. That's a little over seven months ago. Let's go on a journey in the not so way back machine to look at my life before April 26th.
Vince and I ate fast food two to three times every week. This only exercise I ever got was walking up and down the steps at work. I wore my capri pants all year round because they fit me more comfortably than any of my other pants. I bought new tunic style shirts because I didn't have to get larger sizes to have that style fit and it covered a lot of me, which was always a good thing. I drank Pepsi almost every day and sometimes more than one can or bottle. I wished that I could lose weight, but it didn't go any further than that. I paid for a YMCA membership that was gathering dust and hadn't been utilized in months. I used to reset my Wii Fit character so I wouldn't have to see the weight go up. I dreaded the idea of weighing 300 pounds but didn't do anything about stopping my weight from getting there. I used to chuckle at people who would get up early to run or workout because that wasn't something I was ever going to do. Eating donuts or bagel for breakfast on the weekends was a regular occurence and it wasn't usually just one. Wow...thinking about it now, I realize that it really wasn't a pretty picture.
Now back to today. I work out no less than three times a week. We eat fast food very rarely...though we do occasionally still do Chick-Fil-A, but only once in a while. I have been a part of six races: five 5Ks and one four mile. My Y membership has gotten quite a workout, though lately I've been working out at home as much as at the Y. I had to buy new jeans because my others were falling off of me. I have had one Pepsi in the past seven months and actually walked by a table of free Pepsi this morning and didn't even think about having one. I eat much healthier and cook a lot more. I look gleefully towards weighing less than 200 pounds and am doing something about getting there. My days of using the Wii Fit has gone up to 200 some days because I don't reset it anymore. I've had two bagels in the past seven months and now wish longingly that they were better for me, because Panera Asiago cheese bagels are AMAZING!! And last, but definitely not least, I've lost 75.4 pounds!!
My life is so different from what it used to be. And all of this has happened in seven months! I forget that sometimes. I forget that I've changed my life so much and have done it in only seven months. That's a realization that I need to keep in mind. Sometimes I get frustrated that I'm not where I want to be with my weight or my fitness. I hate to admit it but sometimes I'm jealous when I see the times of people in my age group who are finishing in the top three. I need to remember that I have only been working out for seven months. I've only been doing races since August and have cut almost nine minutes off of my 5K time. In fact, today it took me only one minute long to complete four miles than it did to do a 5K in my first race. :)
So there are my realizations. I know they aren't technically in the same spirit as my other "Best Things," but I think they are pretty awesome and wanted to share them! I'm in a good place right now and am excited about where I'm going. So I'll just keep on moving on my journey and will keep these realizations in mind.
Friday, November 30, 2012
The Best Things: "New" Wardrobe
I am quite a clothing pack rat. No, I am not a hoarder. My pack rat tendencies are pretty well contained. I won't let you look in my closets, but that's pretty much the only area taken over by my stuff. Yes, that was closets. I have 2/3 of the closet in the master bedroom, all of the closet in the guest room (though I moved a few of Vince's hoodies in there so it isn't all my stuff), and 3/4 of the closet in the smallest guest room. Did I mention dressers or Rubbermaid tubs? No? Well, let's just move on and pretend that I didn't say anything.
I started ordering clothing from catalogs several years ago because I found going to the stores depressing. All the cute clothes were too small and the stuff that fit was not cute. Not to mention that sizes I thought would fit were too small and I was having to go to sizes that made me feel really fat. Many of the catalogs for bigger ladies try to make us feel good by sizing things L, 1X, and 2X that would really be 1X, 2X, and 3X, if not bigger. So the numbers in front of the X weren't quite as depressing in the catalogs. However, I had the problem of ordering clothing without knowing whether it would fit or not. And I'm actually really bad at returning catalog orders if they didn't fit. I'd wash them, stick them in the closet, and pray that somehow it would fit other time.
I know there are much worse vices than having closets full of clothes. The saddest thing about my vice is that for more years than I care to admit, I have only worn a very small portion of the clothing that I own. There was a section of clothing in each closet that I would actually wear. It got to the point where I honestly didn't realize exactly what was in each closet. I knew what rotation of clothes I could/would wear. Occasionally I would try on something that caught my eye, look in the mirror, sigh, and put it back in the closet for something that I knew would fit me.
As I made progress on my journey, I didn't even think about wearing any of the other clothes that I had in my closets because I was so used to just grabbing the same things. One day, I pulled out a shirt that I had forget about and honestly can't tell you when I got, and put it on just to see how it fit. It fit me wonderfully and looked great! It was so exciting! I started grabbing more shirts to see how they would fit and discovered a whole "new" wardrobe of tops for me! There are only two bad things about this: 1. I am not finding pants that I can wear because everything I own in that category of clothing is WAY too big even when I cinch it up in a belt. 2. The "new" clothes are getting too big for me! Yes, I know...rough life having these first world problems. I keep wearing the "new" clothes even though they are getting baggy because I want to get a little wear out of them before I give them away.
So the next step is to go through the closets, dressers, and Rubbermaid tubs to see what I need to get rid of and to start buying actual new clothes, though I'm finding it hard to buy too much because I want to get even smaller. I will say that my co-workers are the best motivation to buy new clothes. Every time I wear something that fits me, I get so many compliments about how nice I look or how much weight I've lost. It makes me want to have all of my clothes fit everyday. I'm getting there. But just like my journey, this too will take time. :)
So I'll tighten my belt and continue moving on with my journey.
I started ordering clothing from catalogs several years ago because I found going to the stores depressing. All the cute clothes were too small and the stuff that fit was not cute. Not to mention that sizes I thought would fit were too small and I was having to go to sizes that made me feel really fat. Many of the catalogs for bigger ladies try to make us feel good by sizing things L, 1X, and 2X that would really be 1X, 2X, and 3X, if not bigger. So the numbers in front of the X weren't quite as depressing in the catalogs. However, I had the problem of ordering clothing without knowing whether it would fit or not. And I'm actually really bad at returning catalog orders if they didn't fit. I'd wash them, stick them in the closet, and pray that somehow it would fit other time.
I know there are much worse vices than having closets full of clothes. The saddest thing about my vice is that for more years than I care to admit, I have only worn a very small portion of the clothing that I own. There was a section of clothing in each closet that I would actually wear. It got to the point where I honestly didn't realize exactly what was in each closet. I knew what rotation of clothes I could/would wear. Occasionally I would try on something that caught my eye, look in the mirror, sigh, and put it back in the closet for something that I knew would fit me.
As I made progress on my journey, I didn't even think about wearing any of the other clothes that I had in my closets because I was so used to just grabbing the same things. One day, I pulled out a shirt that I had forget about and honestly can't tell you when I got, and put it on just to see how it fit. It fit me wonderfully and looked great! It was so exciting! I started grabbing more shirts to see how they would fit and discovered a whole "new" wardrobe of tops for me! There are only two bad things about this: 1. I am not finding pants that I can wear because everything I own in that category of clothing is WAY too big even when I cinch it up in a belt. 2. The "new" clothes are getting too big for me! Yes, I know...rough life having these first world problems. I keep wearing the "new" clothes even though they are getting baggy because I want to get a little wear out of them before I give them away.
So the next step is to go through the closets, dressers, and Rubbermaid tubs to see what I need to get rid of and to start buying actual new clothes, though I'm finding it hard to buy too much because I want to get even smaller. I will say that my co-workers are the best motivation to buy new clothes. Every time I wear something that fits me, I get so many compliments about how nice I look or how much weight I've lost. It makes me want to have all of my clothes fit everyday. I'm getting there. But just like my journey, this too will take time. :)
So I'll tighten my belt and continue moving on with my journey.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
The Best Things: Inspiration
When I first started seriously thinking about making changes in my life, I started looking at people in my life who were making changes that were like the ones I wanted to make. I know there are people who will understand this more than others, but as an obese person or as in my case, a morbidly obese person, making changes in your life can seem so overwhelming that there is no way you could possibly do it. There is so far to go that the journey seems almost impossible. It can seem too overwhelming. To keep from being overwhelmed, I started looking for inspiration and found it right in front of me. Hopefully neither of these people will be upset with me for using them in this blog. I didn't ask in advance so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. My cousin, Michelle, had been posting on facebook about her success with Weight Watchers and how she was walking and transitioning to running. My dear friend, Erin, had made a huge change in her life and I could see how great she looked and felt through all of the changes she had made. These two amazingly strong women helped give me inspiration to start my own journey. Reading their successes and accomplishments made me want to have success too! I wanted to feel that pride and happiness that came from doing such great things! I don't know that I've ever said thank you to either of them or really told them how much of a difference their example made for me. Hopefully they both know it or at least realize it now! :)
So I started, small and simple and I had my own successes. I made progress and started to see the changes. I posted everything on Facebook for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, it gave me a place to share things and keep myself accountable. I do better when I know other people can see. But in the back of my mind, I think I realized that Michelle and Erin's posts on Facebook made a difference for me. In my own little way and arrogance, I think I hoped maybe I could do the same for someone else, but that really wasn't my main motivation.
As my journey has continued and my successes continue to grow and I continue to shrink (hehehe), I've had several people tell me that I have inspired them. I can't even say how much that means to me. To be able to be an inspiration to anyone is something I never thought I would be able to do. I always figured I'd be that horrible warning, only kind of joking. It means so much to be able to do for someone else what my inspirations did for me. It's like a cycle is being kept in motion. I have a hard time talking about this part of my inspiration post because I don't want to sound vain or self-important. I just feel so grateful to be able to help anyone else make a change in their lives, because making this change in mine has been the best thing I've done for myself.
So inspiration, both received and given, is definitely one of the best things about being on this journey.
So I started, small and simple and I had my own successes. I made progress and started to see the changes. I posted everything on Facebook for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, it gave me a place to share things and keep myself accountable. I do better when I know other people can see. But in the back of my mind, I think I realized that Michelle and Erin's posts on Facebook made a difference for me. In my own little way and arrogance, I think I hoped maybe I could do the same for someone else, but that really wasn't my main motivation.
As my journey has continued and my successes continue to grow and I continue to shrink (hehehe), I've had several people tell me that I have inspired them. I can't even say how much that means to me. To be able to be an inspiration to anyone is something I never thought I would be able to do. I always figured I'd be that horrible warning, only kind of joking. It means so much to be able to do for someone else what my inspirations did for me. It's like a cycle is being kept in motion. I have a hard time talking about this part of my inspiration post because I don't want to sound vain or self-important. I just feel so grateful to be able to help anyone else make a change in their lives, because making this change in mine has been the best thing I've done for myself.
So inspiration, both received and given, is definitely one of the best things about being on this journey.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
The Best Things: Pride
I suppose I should start this blog by saying that these blog posts aren't in any particular order. When I started thinking about writing this blog, I knew I wouldn't have a hard time coming up with best things from Thanksgiving to Christmas, but as I started writing them, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to prioritize them or number them as to which one is most important to me. They are all important, but there really isn't a specific order I would rank them in, no matter how many higher order thinking skills I would have to use to do it. :)
Of course, since I've put that disclaimer, I am going to say that this one is pretty important and thus it is a very difficult post to write. I've been starting and deleting and restarting for almost 15 minutes now and I haven't gotten any further than this.
When I was 16 years old, I worked at McDonalds with a lot of other teens, a lot of whom were smokers. I like to believe that I wasn't influenced by peer pressure, but frankly, I have to admit that I was. One night, when I snuck out of the house, I went to McDonalds to hang out with my friends after work and had my first cigarette. I didn't really like it. The taste was horrible and it made me cough. However, with the stupid determination of a teenager, I stuck with it and became completely addicted. I went from smoking one or two a day to sixteen years later when I was smoking a pack a day. I knew it was unhealthy. I knew it could cause cancer. I knew it was stupid. I knew that my then boyfriend, now husband, hated it. But none of that stopped me. I convinced myself that smoking calmed me down and made me an easier person to be around. That's not to say that I didn't try to quit. I think there were four attempts that failed in many different spectacular ways. Finally in December 2003, I realized I was getting ready to reach the point where I would have been smoking more years than I hadn't been smoking and I knew that I felt horrible more days than I felt good. It was time for me to stop. I made that decision. I hated the idea of quitting. I knew it would suck! I bought nicotine patches, went to my doctor and got on medication to help, carried small pieces of straw in my car so I'd have a crutch, and broke all sorts of routines for my daily life. And I was right...it sucked! I was sure it was the most difficult thing that I would ever do. I was so proud of myself for doing though. It gave me such a great feeling to know that I had done it. Hearing the pride in Vince's voice when I told him that I had quit was amazing! I knew I had done something great and held my head up for having done it! I had times when I wanted to start again, but I held strong and didn't cave. Now, nine years later, it still makes me smile when I realize what I did and how strong I was to do it. I am still proud of the change I made and it makes me feel good to know that I broke free of my addiction.
I'm sure at this point, some of you are wanting to remind me that this isn't a blog about quitting smoking. It's a blog celebrating the best things that have happened since I made this set of changes in my life and have started living healthier. I promise, I'm getting there.
In April 2012, I decided it was time to start making changes again. I was tired of being tired all the time. I was tired of having only certain clothes in my closet that I could wear without being uncomfortable. I was frustrated with the fact that I was in such poor physical condition that walking up and down the stairs at work took my breath away. I was tired of being disgusted with myself when I saw myself in the mirror or tried to take a good picture. I was ready to make a change. I started simple and easy because I knew it wasn't going to work if I tried to do too much at once. The first day, I decided I was going to walk around my neighborhood twice. The first time I walked, I thought I was going to die. I was out of breath and sweating like crazy. However, I knew that I could do it. I knew this was something I had to do. I started working on portion control and eating out less, because, honestly, we had gotten in the bad habit of eating out two to three times a week. Small steps. None of these steps were easy. Some of them were really tough. But I wasn't going to give up. I knew that it was something I needed to do. Now, seven months later, I know I won't die when I walk a 5K or longer and that sometimes I can even run. I can't remember the last time we ate out during the week. I'm about 74 pounds lighter than I was when I started. And...I am so proud of all that I have accomplished. When I look in the mirror, I see that pride reflected back in my smile. I feel that pride when I climb the steps at work without any problems (unless I had a really tough workout the day before and my knees are stiff...but I'm still not out of breath). I feel that pride when I cross the finish line in a race that I never would have believed I could have run. I see that pride when I look at myself in a new smaller outfit or clothes that I haven't worn in years which are getting too big already. I hold my head high and carry myself with the pride that I feel. I'm not disgusted with myself anymore. I'm really proud and even more determined. I also know that I was wrong when I thought quitting smoking was the hardest thing I've ever done. Making healthier life choices is definitely the hardest thing. But the hard is what makes it great, what gives me this sense of pride.
I know I'm not done with journey. I still have things I want to accomplish and milestones that I need to meet. But I'm taking the rest of this journey with pride in what I have accomplished so far. Pride that this is something I have done and am still doing. Pride that I was able to make such a huge change in my life. I'm proud of myself and I have to tell you, it's the first time in a long time that I can say that. And I don't want to go back and I won't let myself.
Thanks for staying with my through this post. I know it rambles a bit. Until tomorrow, I'll keep moving on my journey with pride in myself.
Of course, since I've put that disclaimer, I am going to say that this one is pretty important and thus it is a very difficult post to write. I've been starting and deleting and restarting for almost 15 minutes now and I haven't gotten any further than this.
When I was 16 years old, I worked at McDonalds with a lot of other teens, a lot of whom were smokers. I like to believe that I wasn't influenced by peer pressure, but frankly, I have to admit that I was. One night, when I snuck out of the house, I went to McDonalds to hang out with my friends after work and had my first cigarette. I didn't really like it. The taste was horrible and it made me cough. However, with the stupid determination of a teenager, I stuck with it and became completely addicted. I went from smoking one or two a day to sixteen years later when I was smoking a pack a day. I knew it was unhealthy. I knew it could cause cancer. I knew it was stupid. I knew that my then boyfriend, now husband, hated it. But none of that stopped me. I convinced myself that smoking calmed me down and made me an easier person to be around. That's not to say that I didn't try to quit. I think there were four attempts that failed in many different spectacular ways. Finally in December 2003, I realized I was getting ready to reach the point where I would have been smoking more years than I hadn't been smoking and I knew that I felt horrible more days than I felt good. It was time for me to stop. I made that decision. I hated the idea of quitting. I knew it would suck! I bought nicotine patches, went to my doctor and got on medication to help, carried small pieces of straw in my car so I'd have a crutch, and broke all sorts of routines for my daily life. And I was right...it sucked! I was sure it was the most difficult thing that I would ever do. I was so proud of myself for doing though. It gave me such a great feeling to know that I had done it. Hearing the pride in Vince's voice when I told him that I had quit was amazing! I knew I had done something great and held my head up for having done it! I had times when I wanted to start again, but I held strong and didn't cave. Now, nine years later, it still makes me smile when I realize what I did and how strong I was to do it. I am still proud of the change I made and it makes me feel good to know that I broke free of my addiction.
I'm sure at this point, some of you are wanting to remind me that this isn't a blog about quitting smoking. It's a blog celebrating the best things that have happened since I made this set of changes in my life and have started living healthier. I promise, I'm getting there.
In April 2012, I decided it was time to start making changes again. I was tired of being tired all the time. I was tired of having only certain clothes in my closet that I could wear without being uncomfortable. I was frustrated with the fact that I was in such poor physical condition that walking up and down the stairs at work took my breath away. I was tired of being disgusted with myself when I saw myself in the mirror or tried to take a good picture. I was ready to make a change. I started simple and easy because I knew it wasn't going to work if I tried to do too much at once. The first day, I decided I was going to walk around my neighborhood twice. The first time I walked, I thought I was going to die. I was out of breath and sweating like crazy. However, I knew that I could do it. I knew this was something I had to do. I started working on portion control and eating out less, because, honestly, we had gotten in the bad habit of eating out two to three times a week. Small steps. None of these steps were easy. Some of them were really tough. But I wasn't going to give up. I knew that it was something I needed to do. Now, seven months later, I know I won't die when I walk a 5K or longer and that sometimes I can even run. I can't remember the last time we ate out during the week. I'm about 74 pounds lighter than I was when I started. And...I am so proud of all that I have accomplished. When I look in the mirror, I see that pride reflected back in my smile. I feel that pride when I climb the steps at work without any problems (unless I had a really tough workout the day before and my knees are stiff...but I'm still not out of breath). I feel that pride when I cross the finish line in a race that I never would have believed I could have run. I see that pride when I look at myself in a new smaller outfit or clothes that I haven't worn in years which are getting too big already. I hold my head high and carry myself with the pride that I feel. I'm not disgusted with myself anymore. I'm really proud and even more determined. I also know that I was wrong when I thought quitting smoking was the hardest thing I've ever done. Making healthier life choices is definitely the hardest thing. But the hard is what makes it great, what gives me this sense of pride.
I know I'm not done with journey. I still have things I want to accomplish and milestones that I need to meet. But I'm taking the rest of this journey with pride in what I have accomplished so far. Pride that this is something I have done and am still doing. Pride that I was able to make such a huge change in my life. I'm proud of myself and I have to tell you, it's the first time in a long time that I can say that. And I don't want to go back and I won't let myself.
Thanks for staying with my through this post. I know it rambles a bit. Until tomorrow, I'll keep moving on my journey with pride in myself.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
The Best Things: Pictures and Mirrors
As my friend, Erin Withers, liked to point out to me, I never used to use current pictures of myself for my profile pictures on...well...pretty much anything. I love some of my baby pictures and would use those. One summer I used book jackets, which I thought was cool because I had some students as friends then and it let them see all that I was reading. I've used many different versions of K-State logos. Anything but pictures of myself. I really hated having my picture taken.
I hated having my picture taken because I thought I always looked fat. And honestly, that's because I was. If I'm being honest with myself, I knew I was fat; I just hated having the pictures as proof. I remember one picture my students took of me for a project in one of their technology classes. I looked at it and thought, "Oh Lord, am I really that big?" It almost made me cry and I had to hide it because the students were proud of what a good picture they had taken. I didn't want to make them feel bad so I smiled and hid my feelings.
Mirrors would inspire the same feelings in me. I would use mirrors because I have no clue how people get ready without them, but I wouldn't look in them any more than I had to. I just didn't want to see myself.
I continued to avoid cameras, even after I started on this journey, probably more out of habit than anything else. However, at the Glow Run in August, I wanted pictures with my Wonder Pets buddies all in our new Wonder Pets shirts! Many pictures were taken to document my first 5K. When I looked at them afterwards, I was surprised that I didn't hate them. I was so used to hating pictures of myself. I looked okay.
With more 5Ks and lots of new shirts for races, I took more and more pictures. I kept being surprised that I liked them. I expected to hate them. I expected to look fat. It really took me a while before I realized how much I had changed physically. I started to see the differences, especially when I compared them to older pictures.
Sometimes now when I look in the mirror, I am surprised by how different I look. It is such a dramatic change! I joke with Vince that I'm going to become vain and he'll have to pull me away from the mirror becaue I will spend all my time looking into it. So far I'm doing okay. :)
Now, I don't think I'll ever be the first person in front of a camera or honestly will spend hours in front of a mirror. However, it's a nice change to not mind having my picture taken or worry about how bad I'll look. I have my picture up for my profile picture on Facebook, Blogger, Twitter, Pintrest, GoodReads and on and on. One of the best things about this change is that now I have more pictures of Vince and me together. I like pictures of us together and, while he hates having his picture taken, he loves me enough to put up with me and my new found interest in pictures. :)
So I'll smile and say CHEESE as I continue on my journey.
I hated having my picture taken because I thought I always looked fat. And honestly, that's because I was. If I'm being honest with myself, I knew I was fat; I just hated having the pictures as proof. I remember one picture my students took of me for a project in one of their technology classes. I looked at it and thought, "Oh Lord, am I really that big?" It almost made me cry and I had to hide it because the students were proud of what a good picture they had taken. I didn't want to make them feel bad so I smiled and hid my feelings.
Mirrors would inspire the same feelings in me. I would use mirrors because I have no clue how people get ready without them, but I wouldn't look in them any more than I had to. I just didn't want to see myself.
I continued to avoid cameras, even after I started on this journey, probably more out of habit than anything else. However, at the Glow Run in August, I wanted pictures with my Wonder Pets buddies all in our new Wonder Pets shirts! Many pictures were taken to document my first 5K. When I looked at them afterwards, I was surprised that I didn't hate them. I was so used to hating pictures of myself. I looked okay.
With more 5Ks and lots of new shirts for races, I took more and more pictures. I kept being surprised that I liked them. I expected to hate them. I expected to look fat. It really took me a while before I realized how much I had changed physically. I started to see the differences, especially when I compared them to older pictures.
Sometimes now when I look in the mirror, I am surprised by how different I look. It is such a dramatic change! I joke with Vince that I'm going to become vain and he'll have to pull me away from the mirror becaue I will spend all my time looking into it. So far I'm doing okay. :)
Now, I don't think I'll ever be the first person in front of a camera or honestly will spend hours in front of a mirror. However, it's a nice change to not mind having my picture taken or worry about how bad I'll look. I have my picture up for my profile picture on Facebook, Blogger, Twitter, Pintrest, GoodReads and on and on. One of the best things about this change is that now I have more pictures of Vince and me together. I like pictures of us together and, while he hates having his picture taken, he loves me enough to put up with me and my new found interest in pictures. :)
So I'll smile and say CHEESE as I continue on my journey.
Monday, November 26, 2012
The Best Things: Less Back Pain
In the spring of 2010, I was laid up with horrible lower back pain. It was the kind of pain that made it hurt to move, no matter how small the movement was. I still tried to work because it was May and no teacher wants to have to deal with missing school in May. I spent my lunch period laying on tables in my room, with tears streaming down my face. The muscle spasms were so bad that when my class after lunch came in, I couldn't sit down without being in agony. They were actually the most well-behaved they had ever been because they had never seen me in such bad shape. It was the worst way to end a school year. My doctor told me to reduce stress because it was probably irritated by stress. Summer definitely helped lower my stress.
In the spring of 2011, I had a replay of the same lower back pain and I had to miss more school. It was miserable and horrible and I essentially missed the entire month of June because I was laid up with back pain. I spent the first month of my vacation alternating between laying on the floor and my bed and took so much medicine that it was crazy. We found out that I have two bulging disks in my back that will never go away. I controlled it most of that summer with medicine, ice, heat, and rest. It flared up again in the fall and I finally had an epidural steroid shot, which made a huge amount of difference and actually had me pain free for a while.
Flash forward to spring of 2012, I hadn't been on my journey for very long and I was so scared that I was going to be set back by back pain again. I think it was a combination of many things (being more physically active, walking, losing weight, taking better care of myself, a forceful husband who wouldn't let me lift anything as I moved rooms again), but I didn't have the back problems to end the school year. It was amazing to end a school year without multiple visits to the doctor and lots of medication.
I don't think I'll ever be completely pain free in my back. As I said before, my bulging disks aren't going away. They will always be a part of my life. I will always be careful lifting, reaching, and bending. However, even at my worse during the summer, I just had to slow down and take ibuprofen and stretch. I haven't had to go to the doctor for back pain for over a year now. With the debilitating back pain that I used to deal with, this is such a huge step for me. I know that is a direct result of carrying less weight and being more active. Just another reason why I won't go back again. I'm going to keep going on my journey.
In the spring of 2011, I had a replay of the same lower back pain and I had to miss more school. It was miserable and horrible and I essentially missed the entire month of June because I was laid up with back pain. I spent the first month of my vacation alternating between laying on the floor and my bed and took so much medicine that it was crazy. We found out that I have two bulging disks in my back that will never go away. I controlled it most of that summer with medicine, ice, heat, and rest. It flared up again in the fall and I finally had an epidural steroid shot, which made a huge amount of difference and actually had me pain free for a while.
Flash forward to spring of 2012, I hadn't been on my journey for very long and I was so scared that I was going to be set back by back pain again. I think it was a combination of many things (being more physically active, walking, losing weight, taking better care of myself, a forceful husband who wouldn't let me lift anything as I moved rooms again), but I didn't have the back problems to end the school year. It was amazing to end a school year without multiple visits to the doctor and lots of medication.
I don't think I'll ever be completely pain free in my back. As I said before, my bulging disks aren't going away. They will always be a part of my life. I will always be careful lifting, reaching, and bending. However, even at my worse during the summer, I just had to slow down and take ibuprofen and stretch. I haven't had to go to the doctor for back pain for over a year now. With the debilitating back pain that I used to deal with, this is such a huge step for me. I know that is a direct result of carrying less weight and being more active. Just another reason why I won't go back again. I'm going to keep going on my journey.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
The Best Things: T-Shirts
I love wearing t-shirts! I have two closets and a chest of drawers full of mostly t-shirts. There are sports t-shirts, Curtis t-shirts, souvenir t-shirts from places we've visited, attitude t-shirts that caught my eye, holiday t-shirts, and so on. I have always loved t-shirts and have worn them as long as I can remember. One of my favorite sets of pictures from childhood is Steve and I wearing the same K-State t-shirt a couple of years apart.
As I got larger, I had to wear bigger sizes of t-shirts, moving from XL to 2XL to finally 3XL. It's harder to find t-shirts in 3XL unless you are ordering them online and you always have to pay extra for them if you can find them. When we went to K-State football and basketball games, I would look in the Cats Closet for t-shirts and inevitably would find something I liked and have to go home and look online to see if it was available in my size. Rarely was I able to find something that I liked in my size. I tried to convince myself that it was better that way because then I didn't have to carry a bag around during the game.
I'm now down to an XL size and those are available everywhere! I went to a conference in Vegas and found several t-shirts that I liked and was able to buy them there because they were in my size. When we went to a K-State football game this year, I found a cute Willie shirt that was in my size so I bought it...and carrying a bag around really wasn't that big of a deal! :)
Here's the coolest part and I just discovered it this weekend. At the Wings game Friday night, they were giving away Wings t-shirts to the first 1000 people to be at the game. Vince and I were among the first 1000 and so we stopped at the table to pick up our shirts. All the shirts they were giving away were larges, which reminded me of previous times, but I picked one up anyway. When we got to our seats, I thought what the heck and pulled it on over my long sleeved shirt I had worn to the game. IT FIT!!!! I was wearing a L t-shirt at the game and it wasn't too small!!! During one of the t-shirt tosses during the game, I caught one of them and it was a large as well. I just wore it this morning to work out!!! I can wear a large t-shirt!!! I'm still more comfortable in a XL, but it made me ecstatic to see that I CAN wear a large t-shirt!! It's amazing what a boost something silly like that is! It gave me an extra push and made me see even more clearly that I'm making serious changes in my body size! What a powerful feeling!!
So this is another reason that I am definitely continuing on my journey!
As I got larger, I had to wear bigger sizes of t-shirts, moving from XL to 2XL to finally 3XL. It's harder to find t-shirts in 3XL unless you are ordering them online and you always have to pay extra for them if you can find them. When we went to K-State football and basketball games, I would look in the Cats Closet for t-shirts and inevitably would find something I liked and have to go home and look online to see if it was available in my size. Rarely was I able to find something that I liked in my size. I tried to convince myself that it was better that way because then I didn't have to carry a bag around during the game.
I'm now down to an XL size and those are available everywhere! I went to a conference in Vegas and found several t-shirts that I liked and was able to buy them there because they were in my size. When we went to a K-State football game this year, I found a cute Willie shirt that was in my size so I bought it...and carrying a bag around really wasn't that big of a deal! :)
Here's the coolest part and I just discovered it this weekend. At the Wings game Friday night, they were giving away Wings t-shirts to the first 1000 people to be at the game. Vince and I were among the first 1000 and so we stopped at the table to pick up our shirts. All the shirts they were giving away were larges, which reminded me of previous times, but I picked one up anyway. When we got to our seats, I thought what the heck and pulled it on over my long sleeved shirt I had worn to the game. IT FIT!!!! I was wearing a L t-shirt at the game and it wasn't too small!!! During one of the t-shirt tosses during the game, I caught one of them and it was a large as well. I just wore it this morning to work out!!! I can wear a large t-shirt!!! I'm still more comfortable in a XL, but it made me ecstatic to see that I CAN wear a large t-shirt!! It's amazing what a boost something silly like that is! It gave me an extra push and made me see even more clearly that I'm making serious changes in my body size! What a powerful feeling!!
So this is another reason that I am definitely continuing on my journey!
Saturday, November 24, 2012
The Best Things: Airplane Flights
For those of you who have never had a problem with your weight, this blog post may not make any sense to you.
I have never really liked flying. I know it's the quickest way to get to places that I want to go. I know it's as safe as driving. I knew that when I got together with a man in California when I was living in Kansas that flying was always going to be a part of my life. However, I've never liked it. I have slight motion sickness so taking off and landing have never been fun. Those are the main reasons I don't like flying, but there are others. As a bigger person, flying had always meant squeezing into a seat that was on the small side for the size of my behind. In one of my most embarassing moments, I had to ask for a seatbelt extender on a flight from Wichita to Denver because I couldn't get the seatbelt fastened. I had a hard time using the seatback table because it didn't sit flat due to my stomach and thigh size. Based on my physical size, I was never comfortable on flights and always felt bad for the person sitting next to me, when it wasn't Vince (he never minded having our legs touch), because I did "ooze" over into their space and couldn't do anything about it. It was humiliating and embarassing.
So when we flew to Las Vegas for a conference, I was curious what it was going to be like to be on a plane. I still don't like flying and still have my mild motion sickness. However, I was able to fit in my seat easily and not spill over into anyone else's space! Due to some booking issues, Vince and I weren't able to sit next to each other for three of the four flights and we ended up in middle seats for a couple of legs. I really was amazed how well I fit into my seat and how much more comfortable it was. It really opened my eyes to how much smaller I am than I was when I started this journey! I smiled a lot more on ths series of flights, even when I ended up next to a very nice gentleman who didn't understand that he really did need to put his knees closer together so he wasn't in my space, but that's another story.
One more reason that I'm glad I started on this journey and why I won't go back to where I was.
I have never really liked flying. I know it's the quickest way to get to places that I want to go. I know it's as safe as driving. I knew that when I got together with a man in California when I was living in Kansas that flying was always going to be a part of my life. However, I've never liked it. I have slight motion sickness so taking off and landing have never been fun. Those are the main reasons I don't like flying, but there are others. As a bigger person, flying had always meant squeezing into a seat that was on the small side for the size of my behind. In one of my most embarassing moments, I had to ask for a seatbelt extender on a flight from Wichita to Denver because I couldn't get the seatbelt fastened. I had a hard time using the seatback table because it didn't sit flat due to my stomach and thigh size. Based on my physical size, I was never comfortable on flights and always felt bad for the person sitting next to me, when it wasn't Vince (he never minded having our legs touch), because I did "ooze" over into their space and couldn't do anything about it. It was humiliating and embarassing.
So when we flew to Las Vegas for a conference, I was curious what it was going to be like to be on a plane. I still don't like flying and still have my mild motion sickness. However, I was able to fit in my seat easily and not spill over into anyone else's space! Due to some booking issues, Vince and I weren't able to sit next to each other for three of the four flights and we ended up in middle seats for a couple of legs. I really was amazed how well I fit into my seat and how much more comfortable it was. It really opened my eyes to how much smaller I am than I was when I started this journey! I smiled a lot more on ths series of flights, even when I ended up next to a very nice gentleman who didn't understand that he really did need to put his knees closer together so he wasn't in my space, but that's another story.
One more reason that I'm glad I started on this journey and why I won't go back to where I was.
Friday, November 23, 2012
The Best Things: Race Days
In high school, I used to run track. I wasn't very good, but I was the best at the 3200 m run in my school. In fact, for several years, I held the school record, which wasn't very good, but it was mine. Then I made some really unfortunately decisions, including starting to smoke and I stopped paying attention to what I was eating. Running stopped being a part of who I was and I didn't really miss it. Running was never fun for me and track meet days always made me nervous and a little sick to my stomach. I was okay with giving it up.
Flash forward 24 years and I'm making much better choices. I haven't smoked in nine years, as of December 1, and am eating healthier and working out more. In August, with the encouragement of friends, I started racing again. This time I started as a walker and still got some nerves on race day. The biggest difference this time is that I really enjoyed racing and found it to be less about stress and more about accomplishment. When I finished the Glow Run in August, I felt so powerful and capable and proud of what I had just done. It was amazing!
Now I do at least one race a month, though November has been a loaded month with three races. Each time I feel the empowerment of being able to do this. With my last two races, I added some running with my walking and have been able to improve my time with each race. It makes me so incredibly happy and proud!!
These feelings are things I wouldn't know without having made the decisions I've made. Just one of the many benefits of being on this journey!
Flash forward 24 years and I'm making much better choices. I haven't smoked in nine years, as of December 1, and am eating healthier and working out more. In August, with the encouragement of friends, I started racing again. This time I started as a walker and still got some nerves on race day. The biggest difference this time is that I really enjoyed racing and found it to be less about stress and more about accomplishment. When I finished the Glow Run in August, I felt so powerful and capable and proud of what I had just done. It was amazing!
Now I do at least one race a month, though November has been a loaded month with three races. Each time I feel the empowerment of being able to do this. With my last two races, I added some running with my walking and have been able to improve my time with each race. It makes me so incredibly happy and proud!!
These feelings are things I wouldn't know without having made the decisions I've made. Just one of the many benefits of being on this journey!
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
The Best Things: The Introduction
So I have been reading a lot of posts on Facebook from people who are participating in the 30 Days of Thankfulness (or whatever it is officially called). I think it's cool that so many people are participating, but it's not something I've ever done. It's not that I'm not thankful or grateful for the wonderful things in my life; it's just not something I do.
I was thinking about a lot of things this past week and decided that I was going to use that idea for something I'm going to do from Thanksgiving through Christmas, which is a notoriously difficult time for those of us with weight challenges. Everyday, I am going to post some of the best things about being healthier and making the changes that I have made in my life. I was debating on whether I should post it here or on Facebook. Ultimately I decided to post it here because there is usually a back story to the things that I think about and it would make for ridiculously long status posts. Also, it is a place where I can keep these and easily go back and look at them again. Not to mention, this is supposed to be where I'm documenting my journey and this is a large part of my decision.
So I will link my blog posts to Facebook each time, so you'll be able to see them if you want to, or not see them if you don't care. I think I've set up my blog to allow comments, if you want to comment here or you can comment on the Facebook link.
I'm going to start tomorrow morning and again the goal is to post everyday. However, the best laid plans of mice and men and turtles and all that. :)
My goal for this is to keep me acting on my decision.
I was thinking about a lot of things this past week and decided that I was going to use that idea for something I'm going to do from Thanksgiving through Christmas, which is a notoriously difficult time for those of us with weight challenges. Everyday, I am going to post some of the best things about being healthier and making the changes that I have made in my life. I was debating on whether I should post it here or on Facebook. Ultimately I decided to post it here because there is usually a back story to the things that I think about and it would make for ridiculously long status posts. Also, it is a place where I can keep these and easily go back and look at them again. Not to mention, this is supposed to be where I'm documenting my journey and this is a large part of my decision.
So I will link my blog posts to Facebook each time, so you'll be able to see them if you want to, or not see them if you don't care. I think I've set up my blog to allow comments, if you want to comment here or you can comment on the Facebook link.
I'm going to start tomorrow morning and again the goal is to post everyday. However, the best laid plans of mice and men and turtles and all that. :)
My goal for this is to keep me acting on my decision.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Life is crazy...but never dull!
Well, I had the best of intentions of posting at least once a week. What is it they say about good intentions and something to do with hell? I'm not going to fret about it because of one of my new resolutions, which is coming later in this blog. I'll just say that I wanted to write in here as much as I can so I have a place to put all my random thoughts.
So, in the last four months, so many things have changed in my life. I am now 50 pounds lighter, a regular exerciser, and a healthier eater. I actually like taking pictures and don't hide when a camera is near me. I've walked my first, and definitely not my last, 5K at a pace of about a 16 minute mile. I cook more and eat less. My clothes are big on me and I wear a belt almost every day. I feel better about myself and have a confidence that I haven't had for a really long time. Out of all of those amazing changes, the last one is the one that really means the most to me. I hadn't realized how much I didn't like myself until I really started to like myself again. I didn't realize how many excuses I made or how little faith I had in myself until I started making changes and not excuses. I am stronger than I knew and can do more than I believed.
That leads to my next random thought. In mid May, I started doing weight loss programs on the treadmill. Basically they have five minute rotation: 1 minute base speed, 1 minute a little faster than base speed, 1 minute base speed, and 2 minutes at base speed with incline. I started with level 1 for 20 minutes and thought I was going to die!! However, I kept with it and worked my way through it and increased the time. Today, after I did 10 minutes at level 2, 30 minutes at level 3, and 20 minutes at level 4, I decided to try 20 minutes of level 5 and actually felt like I could have gone longer!! I am frequently amazed at what I can do if I'm only willing to try. I'm not scared of trying new things and have learned that if the steps I try end up being too big, I don't have to give up. I can keep working and get there when I'm ready! I honestly never thought I would be able to do what I can do now and wonder what I'll be able to do in another four months!
One frustration I have had since school has started is that I have a hard time doing the workouts that I was doing this summer for time reasons. I know I can do it physically, but finding the time is a real challenge. This summer I was doing 100 minutes on the treadmill daily, taking classes at the Y, working out so much, and loving it!! But I have to remind myself that I didn't have to do anything else. I was off work and didn't have much else to do. Now that I'm back at work, finding the time is challenging. So this lead to my new resolution: I'm allowing me to cut myself some slack. I don't have to be perfect. I have my own permission to not do a workout if I had to stay at school until 6 to get things done. Don't get me wrong. I'm not happy about this and Vince and I are going to go treadmill shopping in September so I can start to workout at home on busy days. However, I know how I am. I get angry and frustrated with myself if I don't do what I think I can. I have to learn to give myself a break and allow for things to be okay. I'm not giving up. I'm not being a failure. I'm not making excuses. I'm being a human being with a lot going on in my life. I'll figure out how to get my workouts in because they are too important to me, but I'm not going to let me beat myself up if I'm not perfect. That just makes me feel bad about myself and then I start feeling bad about everything and start being too hard on myself.
So there it is. Those are my random thoughts as I continue acting on my decision.
So, in the last four months, so many things have changed in my life. I am now 50 pounds lighter, a regular exerciser, and a healthier eater. I actually like taking pictures and don't hide when a camera is near me. I've walked my first, and definitely not my last, 5K at a pace of about a 16 minute mile. I cook more and eat less. My clothes are big on me and I wear a belt almost every day. I feel better about myself and have a confidence that I haven't had for a really long time. Out of all of those amazing changes, the last one is the one that really means the most to me. I hadn't realized how much I didn't like myself until I really started to like myself again. I didn't realize how many excuses I made or how little faith I had in myself until I started making changes and not excuses. I am stronger than I knew and can do more than I believed.
That leads to my next random thought. In mid May, I started doing weight loss programs on the treadmill. Basically they have five minute rotation: 1 minute base speed, 1 minute a little faster than base speed, 1 minute base speed, and 2 minutes at base speed with incline. I started with level 1 for 20 minutes and thought I was going to die!! However, I kept with it and worked my way through it and increased the time. Today, after I did 10 minutes at level 2, 30 minutes at level 3, and 20 minutes at level 4, I decided to try 20 minutes of level 5 and actually felt like I could have gone longer!! I am frequently amazed at what I can do if I'm only willing to try. I'm not scared of trying new things and have learned that if the steps I try end up being too big, I don't have to give up. I can keep working and get there when I'm ready! I honestly never thought I would be able to do what I can do now and wonder what I'll be able to do in another four months!
One frustration I have had since school has started is that I have a hard time doing the workouts that I was doing this summer for time reasons. I know I can do it physically, but finding the time is a real challenge. This summer I was doing 100 minutes on the treadmill daily, taking classes at the Y, working out so much, and loving it!! But I have to remind myself that I didn't have to do anything else. I was off work and didn't have much else to do. Now that I'm back at work, finding the time is challenging. So this lead to my new resolution: I'm allowing me to cut myself some slack. I don't have to be perfect. I have my own permission to not do a workout if I had to stay at school until 6 to get things done. Don't get me wrong. I'm not happy about this and Vince and I are going to go treadmill shopping in September so I can start to workout at home on busy days. However, I know how I am. I get angry and frustrated with myself if I don't do what I think I can. I have to learn to give myself a break and allow for things to be okay. I'm not giving up. I'm not being a failure. I'm not making excuses. I'm being a human being with a lot going on in my life. I'll figure out how to get my workouts in because they are too important to me, but I'm not going to let me beat myself up if I'm not perfect. That just makes me feel bad about myself and then I start feeling bad about everything and start being too hard on myself.
So there it is. Those are my random thoughts as I continue acting on my decision.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Eating well without eating everything
With this 4th of July, I experienced my first holiday where people gather and eat since I started on my journey. I have to admit that I was worried about it. I've eaten out consistently since I've started living healthier, but I always do it on the weekend so I have plenty of time to work off what I eat. This time it was going to be on a Wednesday, only two days before I weighed in. Thankfully, I was eating at the house of a friend who is also on her journey to being healthier so I knew that there would be options for healthy eating. But, I was still nervous.
My friend and I met to work out in the morning before everything was starting, which made me feel better because I was doing good things to start the day. I made sure to eat light before we went: veggies, fruit, and a little protein. I knew how many points I had available for my day and reminded myself that I always have around 100 points left at the end of the week (between the 49 weekly "flex" points and the activity points I earn) so I had some flexibility. I took a fruit salad with fresh fruit (0 points) and a veggie tray with Greek yogurt ranch dipping sauce (veggies 0 points and dipping sauce 1 point for 1/4 c) so I knew there would be things to fill me up.
I am happy to report that I had a wonderful evening and ate plenty so I did not feel deprived but didn't feel ridiculously full. When I got home that night, I put everything in my Plan Manager and discovered that I had only gone over my daily points by 2 points! That was an awesome feeling! I'm really learning what I can eat and what I can't without having to feel hungry or like I'm missing out on something. The evening was doubly great. I had a wonderful time with great friends who I love spending time with and I didn't have to feel guilty or stuffed because of unwise food choices. With every new hurdle I defeat, I believe more that I really will be able to do this and that I have the strength and power to be healthy and happy! Turtle Power!!
Now I know I saved this for last because while it's wonderful news, I think what I shared above is just as powerful if not more so. This week I lost five more pounds!!! I am down 36 points and am feeling so incredible! It's been a powerful week and I couldn't be happier!
My friend and I met to work out in the morning before everything was starting, which made me feel better because I was doing good things to start the day. I made sure to eat light before we went: veggies, fruit, and a little protein. I knew how many points I had available for my day and reminded myself that I always have around 100 points left at the end of the week (between the 49 weekly "flex" points and the activity points I earn) so I had some flexibility. I took a fruit salad with fresh fruit (0 points) and a veggie tray with Greek yogurt ranch dipping sauce (veggies 0 points and dipping sauce 1 point for 1/4 c) so I knew there would be things to fill me up.
I am happy to report that I had a wonderful evening and ate plenty so I did not feel deprived but didn't feel ridiculously full. When I got home that night, I put everything in my Plan Manager and discovered that I had only gone over my daily points by 2 points! That was an awesome feeling! I'm really learning what I can eat and what I can't without having to feel hungry or like I'm missing out on something. The evening was doubly great. I had a wonderful time with great friends who I love spending time with and I didn't have to feel guilty or stuffed because of unwise food choices. With every new hurdle I defeat, I believe more that I really will be able to do this and that I have the strength and power to be healthy and happy! Turtle Power!!
Now I know I saved this for last because while it's wonderful news, I think what I shared above is just as powerful if not more so. This week I lost five more pounds!!! I am down 36 points and am feeling so incredible! It's been a powerful week and I couldn't be happier!
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Harshest critic: part 1 of who knows how many
As part of my decision to live a healthier life, I have not only changed my eating habits but have added a lot of physical activity to my life. I walk almost everyday and if I'm not walking, then I'm doing an exercise class at the Y or at the very least, working out at home with my Wii Fit. I know this is a great change for me, especially considering how sedentary I used to be. I'm able to walk for sixty minutes on a weight loss program on the treadmill, where 10 weeks ago, I was exhausted after walking twenty minutes. I often even add extra minutes to my treadmill workout to build up my endurance. I'm willing to try just about any class that is offered, though I did determine that I can't do Body Design because it is too hard on my knee. I'm proud of myself and what I am doing that I haven't done in far too long.
However, despite everything...I still find myself feeling like a failure at times. There are things that I just can't do. No matter how much I do or how hard I try, there are things that I can't do, and might never be able to do. Any time I see something that I can't do, a part of me feels like a failure. For example, I can't run. I have arthritis in my right knee (frankly, probably both knees) and so high impact activities, like running, make me hurt too much for me to do them. It's not that I even really want to run. I used to run some when I was younger and I never really enjoyed it. It's mostly that I can't and so that frustrates me. It makes me feel like a failure.
I know I should just focus on what I can do instead of focusing on what I can't. I know I should celebrate the successes I'm having. I know that having arthritis isn't really something I can control, though my weight certainly does exacerbate it. Rationally I know that I need to let this go and that I'm just doing what I always do and am being too hard on myself. I'm not letting it stop me, but I do have to be aware of it. I'm harder on myself than anyone could ever be. I just have to make sure that I don't get in my own way.
Until I post again, I will continue acting on my decision.
However, despite everything...I still find myself feeling like a failure at times. There are things that I just can't do. No matter how much I do or how hard I try, there are things that I can't do, and might never be able to do. Any time I see something that I can't do, a part of me feels like a failure. For example, I can't run. I have arthritis in my right knee (frankly, probably both knees) and so high impact activities, like running, make me hurt too much for me to do them. It's not that I even really want to run. I used to run some when I was younger and I never really enjoyed it. It's mostly that I can't and so that frustrates me. It makes me feel like a failure.
I know I should just focus on what I can do instead of focusing on what I can't. I know I should celebrate the successes I'm having. I know that having arthritis isn't really something I can control, though my weight certainly does exacerbate it. Rationally I know that I need to let this go and that I'm just doing what I always do and am being too hard on myself. I'm not letting it stop me, but I do have to be aware of it. I'm harder on myself than anyone could ever be. I just have to make sure that I don't get in my own way.
Until I post again, I will continue acting on my decision.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Lots going on!
This week has been an interesting week. I had a wonderful "date" Friday night with a good friend, where we went out to dinner and talked for a couple of hours. We talked about a lot of things we hadn't talked about before and it has made our friendship even stronger. Sunday, Mom, Dad, Vince, and I went out for dinner to celebrate Father's Day. My parents are so proud of the changes that I'm making in my life, but seem to be nervous that I'm not going to keep moving on my journey. It's wonderful to have their support and I know that I might just be too sensitive about this. On Tuesday, I got to teach a session at a technology training and got a lot of positive comments about my session. I had a good time and am glad that others enjoyed it too. I had a nice lunch with two friends. This was the source of my biggest (and maybe goofiest) success story for the week. For lunch I had a half sandwich and a fruit salad from Cinnamon's Deli. Before I would have eaten the whole thing without even thinking about it. I made myself think about it. I ate the fruit first, knowing it would be filling without adding points to my day. When I got to the sandwich, I ate half of it and realized that I wasn't hungry anymore. So instead of just eating it because it was there, I got a to-go box and stopped eating. I know it seems silly, but it was a huge step for me! I was really proud of myself. Thursday, I spent the day at Rock River Rapids with two wonderful friends and their adorable children. It was a new way to hang out at a water park, but it was great fun! I love being able to hang out with my friends! Afterwards, one of those friends and I got our nails done together. I haven't spoiled myself like that in a long time and it's going to make its way on to my to-do list because I need to do things for myself! Fortunately, my friend is up for that too, so we are going to have standing dates to get our nails done and spend time together just the two of us!
So it's Friday again. Friday is my weigh in day. I'm always nervous before I weigh in. I have to remind myself that the numbers aren't what really matters. What matters is that I'm making healthier choices for my life. I know I'm doing good things. I am more active than I have been in years. I can't remember the last time that I ate as well as I am now. I think about what and how much I eat. These are all good things and I know it is making a difference in how I look and feel. However, I still want to see my weight go down. This week I was able to lose four pounds, which means I am down 31 pounds total and have lost 10% of my weight since I joined Weight Watchers! (I did join WW after I had lost 13 pounds on my own, because I knew I wanted the extra support to be able to continue to be successful) It's wonderful to see the success on the scale match the success I'm seeing in my life changes. :) After I weighed in, I went and got my hair done. It's a good day so far with the potential to get even better! :)
Here is my first entry. I'll try and post more than once a week, but won't be any less than once a week.
Until I post again, I will continue acting on my decision.
So it's Friday again. Friday is my weigh in day. I'm always nervous before I weigh in. I have to remind myself that the numbers aren't what really matters. What matters is that I'm making healthier choices for my life. I know I'm doing good things. I am more active than I have been in years. I can't remember the last time that I ate as well as I am now. I think about what and how much I eat. These are all good things and I know it is making a difference in how I look and feel. However, I still want to see my weight go down. This week I was able to lose four pounds, which means I am down 31 pounds total and have lost 10% of my weight since I joined Weight Watchers! (I did join WW after I had lost 13 pounds on my own, because I knew I wanted the extra support to be able to continue to be successful) It's wonderful to see the success on the scale match the success I'm seeing in my life changes. :) After I weighed in, I went and got my hair done. It's a good day so far with the potential to get even better! :)
Here is my first entry. I'll try and post more than once a week, but won't be any less than once a week.
Until I post again, I will continue acting on my decision.
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