I was reading an article on Yahoo called "What Losing 180 Pounds Really Does to Your Body - & Your Mind." It made me think a lot and made me decide that I needed to write this blog post.
Let me start by saying that I'm never going to know what it feels like to lose 180 pounds. There is no plan in my life that has me losing that much weight. That would take me to a completely unhealthy place that I wouldn't ever want to visit. I'm also not going to know the feeling of having weight loss surgery. I'm not saying anything against surgery, because I know many people have had success with it. It's just that isn't where my journey led me.
However, I do know what it is like to lose a truly significant amount of weight. And this article really touched on some issues that I've spent a decent amount of time thinking about.
This article hit on one of my pet peeves when it comes to a lot of advertising dealing with weight loss programs or products and television shows dealing with weight loss. The presumption is that all fat people hate themselves. That there is no possible way that you can have a happy life if you are fat. You have to despise yourself and be miserable and depressed. That presumption makes me furious! Vince can vouch for the fact that I become very snarky and irritated when I see those commercials.
But, that presumption wouldn't be so prevalent if it weren't at least a little bit true for more than one person. And when I'm being completely honest, I know that there have been times I've hated myself for having no self control and not being able to get my weight under control. There were times when I went up sizes that I hated how I kept getting fatter and how I wasn't willing or able to do anything about it. My self esteem was at an all time low for a really long time.
But there was a lot about my life that I loved. During the time when I was so heavy, I fell in love with and married Vince, the perfect man for me. I have friends and family who make my life brighter just by being there. I have a job and co-workers that I enjoy. I've done a lot of fun things and had some great experiences. I've had a wonderful life in general.
My weight loss journey has made my life better and easier in so many ways. It has made me feel happier about myself because I can see the amazing things that I'm accomplishing. I feel stronger than I ever have before. I am proud of myself and what I've been able to do. I have more energy and drive. There's an extra bounce in my step and my head is held higher than it was before.
But the most important things in my life haven't changed. My husband is still the amazing man that I fell in love with and our life together is wonderful. My friends and family are still so incredibly important to me and make my life so much better than it would be without them. My job and co-workers, while frequently frustrating, are still enjoyable. Vince and I have a lot of wonderful experiences and have a lot of fun. My life is still wonderful.
I knew this journey wouldn't change the essential nature of me or my life. I wasn't looking to be "fixed" by losing weight. I wanted to do what I could to make my life better and make things easier. I hoped I would feel better about myself based on my journey and what I could do. I wanted to feel proud of myself for doing something great. So I've gotten from my journey what I was looking for and even more than I had imagined. So maybe the expectations I had are what makes my journey different from the author of this article.
I do agree with the message at the end of this article. We, as a society, need to learn to love ourselves because we deserve it, not because of what we look like or because we are perfect, but because we are ourselves. I don't know how to make that happen and I don't have the magic formula. There's no magic size you need to be to be happy. There's no divine number on the scale that equals happiness. Happiness and love come in all sizes, shapes, and packages.
As I continue on my journey, I will remember to be kind to myself and be kind to others because everyone is on a journey and everyone has struggles and triumphs, successes and failures. And everyone is deserving of happiness, no matter what their personal journey is or where they are along that journey.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Acting on my Decision: Never Say Never and Can't Isn't Always Can't
When I was in high school, I was very involved in sports. I played volleyball, basketball, and ran track. I loved volleyball (still do), understood basketball better than I could play it, and actually had some success at track. However, when I left high school, I planned on leaving all my competitive sports behind me, especially track because I never really enjoyed running. It was something I did, but nothing that I loved.
These two ecards best illustrated my feelings about running after I left high school:
It wasn't something I ever planned on doing again, unless it was absolutely necessary for survival and even then, it's questionable if I would be able to save myself from much of anything.
Then as I started my journey, I started realizing that more and more of my friends were runners. I was adamantly a walker. I wasn't going to be a runner. Walking was plenty for me. I was good at walking and could walk at a good pace for a long distance. It was okay.
Then I started talking with people about races. Both of my Erin friends were runners now and talked passionately and excitedly about running. It got me started thinking and sadly the thinking wasn't very positive. As I signed up for my first 5K, I was excited and nervous, but also a little frustrated and discouraged because most of the people I knew were going to be running the race or at least part of the race. In this very blog, I vented my frustration in a post. Here is the part of that post that covers this point the most:
"For example, I can't run. I have arthritis in my right knee (frankly, probably both knees) and so high impact activities, like running, make me hurt too much for me to do them. It's not that I even really want to run. I used to run some when I was younger and I never really enjoyed it. It's mostly that I can't and so that frustrates me." - Marci Adversalo, June 30, 2012
I knew that there was no possible way that I could run. It was never going to happen.
Then the impossible became possible. On October 4th, I was out for my evening walk and decided to try some jogging too. And it worked! I could run! Not fast and not far, but it was running.
I had a couple of setbacks along the way. My hip wasn't sure how it felt about running and then my calf decided that I hadn't given it enough attention and made me focus on it. However, I've started doing races again, and with that, I've started running again too. I will say that I still don't love it when I'm doing it, but I sure do love the way that I feel when I'm done!
Today I finally said it out loud: I am a runner. Not a jogger, but a runner. I'm not going to downplay it or add disclaimers or make it seem like more or less than it is. I am a runner.
I have conquered an obstacle that I thought was insurmountable. I have discovered that I can do something I was sure that I would never be able to do. I need to remember this when I get down about other things. I can do things I never dreamed were possible. I just need to be willing to try and be patient if the results don't come immediately or if there are setbacks on the way.
So as I continue on my journey, I'll try to remember that I can do more than I think I can and when I do something I thought was impossible, it feels amazing!!
These two ecards best illustrated my feelings about running after I left high school:
It wasn't something I ever planned on doing again, unless it was absolutely necessary for survival and even then, it's questionable if I would be able to save myself from much of anything.
Then as I started my journey, I started realizing that more and more of my friends were runners. I was adamantly a walker. I wasn't going to be a runner. Walking was plenty for me. I was good at walking and could walk at a good pace for a long distance. It was okay.
Then I started talking with people about races. Both of my Erin friends were runners now and talked passionately and excitedly about running. It got me started thinking and sadly the thinking wasn't very positive. As I signed up for my first 5K, I was excited and nervous, but also a little frustrated and discouraged because most of the people I knew were going to be running the race or at least part of the race. In this very blog, I vented my frustration in a post. Here is the part of that post that covers this point the most:
"For example, I can't run. I have arthritis in my right knee (frankly, probably both knees) and so high impact activities, like running, make me hurt too much for me to do them. It's not that I even really want to run. I used to run some when I was younger and I never really enjoyed it. It's mostly that I can't and so that frustrates me." - Marci Adversalo, June 30, 2012
I knew that there was no possible way that I could run. It was never going to happen.
Then the impossible became possible. On October 4th, I was out for my evening walk and decided to try some jogging too. And it worked! I could run! Not fast and not far, but it was running.
I had a couple of setbacks along the way. My hip wasn't sure how it felt about running and then my calf decided that I hadn't given it enough attention and made me focus on it. However, I've started doing races again, and with that, I've started running again too. I will say that I still don't love it when I'm doing it, but I sure do love the way that I feel when I'm done!
Today I finally said it out loud: I am a runner. Not a jogger, but a runner. I'm not going to downplay it or add disclaimers or make it seem like more or less than it is. I am a runner.
I have conquered an obstacle that I thought was insurmountable. I have discovered that I can do something I was sure that I would never be able to do. I need to remember this when I get down about other things. I can do things I never dreamed were possible. I just need to be willing to try and be patient if the results don't come immediately or if there are setbacks on the way.
So as I continue on my journey, I'll try to remember that I can do more than I think I can and when I do something I thought was impossible, it feels amazing!!
Friday, March 15, 2013
30 Day Challenge - Day 8: A Moment I Felt Most Satisfied with my Life
Okay, so I have kind of blown doing this challenge in 30 days. Things got in the way, but I'm still dedicated to doing it.
So a moment when I felt most satisfied with my life. This seems like it should be easy to write. I think the challenge for me is picking a moment that I was most satisfied...not happiest...not most excited...not proudest...but most satisfied. Happiest is easy to identify: the moment that I was officially married to the perfect man for me. Proudest is easy too: the moment that I crossed the finish line in my first 5K, a feat that I didn't think I would ever accomplish. Most excited would be pretty easy too, though narrowing it down to one is challenging: I would say it was when I went to buy new jeans and discovered that I was a 16W, down from a 22W, but it was pretty close when I made it to regular sizes this week. Now that I've shared those, I need to focus on the topic of this post: a moment when I felt most satisfied with my life.
The moment when I left most satisfied with my life is very representative of my life with Vince. It would be our wedding night. Don't worry! I won't share too much information. I'll stay PG.
I'll give a little background, not necessarily because the story needs it, but because I love to share it. :)
We got married on July 16, 2005. It was a ridiculously hot day.
The day started early with all the preparations typical with a wedding day. I know that both Vince and I were incredibly nervous and excited. We had been together as a couple for so long and now we were going to join our lives together in front of friends and family. The ceremony was gorgeous and my dress was stupendous.
After the ceremony, we took a million pictures and a short limo ride to the reception. The reception was a wonderful party with good food, great champagne, and so many important people in our lives. I have never had so much fun at a party or smiled so much!
The time flew by and before we knew it, the party was over and we were getting ready to head up to our room. We said good night to everyone and got in the elevator.
We went in the room and all I could think about was getting out of my dress and into the shower. Did I mention it was ridiculously hot? After I got out of the shower, I was exhausted and thirsty. Vince went down the hall and got me a soda, even though I know he was more tired than I was. Even at his most tired, he put me first and took care of me.
Before we went to sleep that night, we snuggled together and kissed sweetly. That was the moment I was most satisfied with my life. After years of being together and a little over a year of living together, we were married and were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I had everything I ever wanted and needed: a man who loves me more than anyone ever had before, who put my needs above his, who let me love him with all the love I had to give, who let me be myself, no matter how goofy that might be, who would love me as a grew and changed. I couldn't have been more content and pleased...completely satisfied with my life.
What a great opportunity to remember that moment. This blogging challenge has some great benefits!
So a moment when I felt most satisfied with my life. This seems like it should be easy to write. I think the challenge for me is picking a moment that I was most satisfied...not happiest...not most excited...not proudest...but most satisfied. Happiest is easy to identify: the moment that I was officially married to the perfect man for me. Proudest is easy too: the moment that I crossed the finish line in my first 5K, a feat that I didn't think I would ever accomplish. Most excited would be pretty easy too, though narrowing it down to one is challenging: I would say it was when I went to buy new jeans and discovered that I was a 16W, down from a 22W, but it was pretty close when I made it to regular sizes this week. Now that I've shared those, I need to focus on the topic of this post: a moment when I felt most satisfied with my life.
The moment when I left most satisfied with my life is very representative of my life with Vince. It would be our wedding night. Don't worry! I won't share too much information. I'll stay PG.
I'll give a little background, not necessarily because the story needs it, but because I love to share it. :)
We got married on July 16, 2005. It was a ridiculously hot day.
The day started early with all the preparations typical with a wedding day. I know that both Vince and I were incredibly nervous and excited. We had been together as a couple for so long and now we were going to join our lives together in front of friends and family. The ceremony was gorgeous and my dress was stupendous.
After the ceremony, we took a million pictures and a short limo ride to the reception. The reception was a wonderful party with good food, great champagne, and so many important people in our lives. I have never had so much fun at a party or smiled so much!
The time flew by and before we knew it, the party was over and we were getting ready to head up to our room. We said good night to everyone and got in the elevator.
We went in the room and all I could think about was getting out of my dress and into the shower. Did I mention it was ridiculously hot? After I got out of the shower, I was exhausted and thirsty. Vince went down the hall and got me a soda, even though I know he was more tired than I was. Even at his most tired, he put me first and took care of me.
Before we went to sleep that night, we snuggled together and kissed sweetly. That was the moment I was most satisfied with my life. After years of being together and a little over a year of living together, we were married and were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I had everything I ever wanted and needed: a man who loves me more than anyone ever had before, who put my needs above his, who let me love him with all the love I had to give, who let me be myself, no matter how goofy that might be, who would love me as a grew and changed. I couldn't have been more content and pleased...completely satisfied with my life.
What a great opportunity to remember that moment. This blogging challenge has some great benefits!
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