Well, I had the best of intentions of posting at least once a week. What is it they say about good intentions and something to do with hell? I'm not going to fret about it because of one of my new resolutions, which is coming later in this blog. I'll just say that I wanted to write in here as much as I can so I have a place to put all my random thoughts.
So, in the last four months, so many things have changed in my life. I am now 50 pounds lighter, a regular exerciser, and a healthier eater. I actually like taking pictures and don't hide when a camera is near me. I've walked my first, and definitely not my last, 5K at a pace of about a 16 minute mile. I cook more and eat less. My clothes are big on me and I wear a belt almost every day. I feel better about myself and have a confidence that I haven't had for a really long time. Out of all of those amazing changes, the last one is the one that really means the most to me. I hadn't realized how much I didn't like myself until I really started to like myself again. I didn't realize how many excuses I made or how little faith I had in myself until I started making changes and not excuses. I am stronger than I knew and can do more than I believed.
That leads to my next random thought. In mid May, I started doing weight loss programs on the treadmill. Basically they have five minute rotation: 1 minute base speed, 1 minute a little faster than base speed, 1 minute base speed, and 2 minutes at base speed with incline. I started with level 1 for 20 minutes and thought I was going to die!! However, I kept with it and worked my way through it and increased the time. Today, after I did 10 minutes at level 2, 30 minutes at level 3, and 20 minutes at level 4, I decided to try 20 minutes of level 5 and actually felt like I could have gone longer!! I am frequently amazed at what I can do if I'm only willing to try. I'm not scared of trying new things and have learned that if the steps I try end up being too big, I don't have to give up. I can keep working and get there when I'm ready! I honestly never thought I would be able to do what I can do now and wonder what I'll be able to do in another four months!
One frustration I have had since school has started is that I have a hard time doing the workouts that I was doing this summer for time reasons. I know I can do it physically, but finding the time is a real challenge. This summer I was doing 100 minutes on the treadmill daily, taking classes at the Y, working out so much, and loving it!! But I have to remind myself that I didn't have to do anything else. I was off work and didn't have much else to do. Now that I'm back at work, finding the time is challenging. So this lead to my new resolution: I'm allowing me to cut myself some slack. I don't have to be perfect. I have my own permission to not do a workout if I had to stay at school until 6 to get things done. Don't get me wrong. I'm not happy about this and Vince and I are going to go treadmill shopping in September so I can start to workout at home on busy days. However, I know how I am. I get angry and frustrated with myself if I don't do what I think I can. I have to learn to give myself a break and allow for things to be okay. I'm not giving up. I'm not being a failure. I'm not making excuses. I'm being a human being with a lot going on in my life. I'll figure out how to get my workouts in because they are too important to me, but I'm not going to let me beat myself up if I'm not perfect. That just makes me feel bad about myself and then I start feeling bad about everything and start being too hard on myself.
So there it is. Those are my random thoughts as I continue acting on my decision.
