As my friend, Erin Withers, liked to point out to me, I never used to use current pictures of myself for my profile pictures on...well...pretty much anything. I love some of my baby pictures and would use those. One summer I used book jackets, which I thought was cool because I had some students as friends then and it let them see all that I was reading. I've used many different versions of K-State logos. Anything but pictures of myself. I really hated having my picture taken.
I hated having my picture taken because I thought I always looked fat. And honestly, that's because I was. If I'm being honest with myself, I knew I was fat; I just hated having the pictures as proof. I remember one picture my students took of me for a project in one of their technology classes. I looked at it and thought, "Oh Lord, am I really that big?" It almost made me cry and I had to hide it because the students were proud of what a good picture they had taken. I didn't want to make them feel bad so I smiled and hid my feelings.
Mirrors would inspire the same feelings in me. I would use mirrors because I have no clue how people get ready without them, but I wouldn't look in them any more than I had to. I just didn't want to see myself.
I continued to avoid cameras, even after I started on this journey, probably more out of habit than anything else. However, at the Glow Run in August, I wanted pictures with my Wonder Pets buddies all in our new Wonder Pets shirts! Many pictures were taken to document my first 5K. When I looked at them afterwards, I was surprised that I didn't hate them. I was so used to hating pictures of myself. I looked okay.
With more 5Ks and lots of new shirts for races, I took more and more pictures. I kept being surprised that I liked them. I expected to hate them. I expected to look fat. It really took me a while before I realized how much I had changed physically. I started to see the differences, especially when I compared them to older pictures.
Sometimes now when I look in the mirror, I am surprised by how different I look. It is such a dramatic change! I joke with Vince that I'm going to become vain and he'll have to pull me away from the mirror becaue I will spend all my time looking into it. So far I'm doing okay. :)
Now, I don't think I'll ever be the first person in front of a camera or honestly will spend hours in front of a mirror. However, it's a nice change to not mind having my picture taken or worry about how bad I'll look. I have my picture up for my profile picture on Facebook, Blogger, Twitter, Pintrest, GoodReads and on and on. One of the best things about this change is that now I have more pictures of Vince and me together. I like pictures of us together and, while he hates having his picture taken, he loves me enough to put up with me and my new found interest in pictures. :)
So I'll smile and say CHEESE as I continue on my journey.
No comments:
Post a Comment