Harshest critic: part 1 of who knows how many

As part of my decision to live a healthier life, I have not only changed my eating habits but have added a lot of physical activity to my life. I walk almost everyday and if I'm not walking, then I'm doing an exercise class at the Y or at the very least, working out at home with my Wii Fit. I know this is a great change for me, especially considering how sedentary I used to be. I'm able to walk for sixty minutes on a weight loss program on the treadmill, where 10 weeks ago, I was exhausted after walking twenty minutes. I often even add extra minutes to my treadmill workout to build up my endurance. I'm willing to try just about any class that is offered, though I did determine that I can't do Body Design because it is too hard on my knee. I'm proud of myself and what I am doing that I haven't done in far too long.

However, despite everything...I still find myself feeling like a failure at times. There are things that I just can't do. No matter how much I do or how hard I try, there are things that I can't do, and might never be able to do. Any time I see something that I can't do, a part of me feels like a failure. For example, I can't run. I have arthritis in my right knee (frankly, probably both knees) and so high impact activities, like running, make me hurt too much for me to do them. It's not that I even really want to run. I used to run some when I was younger and I never really enjoyed it. It's mostly that I can't and so that frustrates me. It makes me feel like a failure.

I know I should just focus on what I can do instead of focusing on what I can't. I know I should celebrate the successes I'm having. I know that having arthritis isn't really something I can control, though my weight certainly does exacerbate it. Rationally I know that I need to let this go and that I'm just doing what I always do and am being too hard on myself. I'm not letting it stop me, but I do have to be aware of it. I'm harder on myself than anyone could ever be. I just have to make sure that I don't get in my own way.

Until I post again, I will continue acting on my decision.

Lots going on!

This week has been an interesting week. I had a wonderful "date" Friday night with a good friend, where we went out to dinner and talked for a couple of hours. We talked about a lot of things we hadn't talked about before and it has made our friendship even stronger. Sunday, Mom, Dad, Vince, and I went out for dinner to celebrate Father's Day. My parents are so proud of the changes that I'm making in my life, but seem to be nervous that I'm not going to keep moving on my journey. It's wonderful to have their support and I know that I might just be too sensitive about this. On Tuesday, I got to teach a session at a technology training and got a lot of positive comments about my session. I had a good time and am glad that others enjoyed it too. I had a nice lunch with two friends. This was the source of my biggest (and maybe goofiest) success story for the week. For lunch I had a half sandwich and a fruit salad from Cinnamon's Deli. Before I would have eaten the whole thing without even thinking about it. I made myself think about it. I ate the fruit first, knowing it would be filling without adding points to my day. When I got to the sandwich, I ate half of it and realized that I wasn't hungry anymore. So instead of just eating it because it was there, I got a to-go box and stopped eating. I know it seems silly, but it was a huge step for me! I was really proud of myself. Thursday, I spent the day at Rock River Rapids with two wonderful friends and their adorable children. It was a new way to hang out at a water park, but it was great fun! I love being able to hang out with my friends! Afterwards, one of those friends and I got our nails done together. I haven't spoiled myself like that in a long time and it's going to make its way on to my to-do list because I need to do things for myself! Fortunately, my friend is up for that too, so we are going to have standing dates to get our nails done and spend time together just the two of us!

So it's Friday again. Friday is my weigh in day. I'm always nervous before I weigh in. I have to remind myself that the numbers aren't what really matters. What matters is that I'm making healthier choices for my life. I know I'm doing good things. I am more active than I have been in years. I can't remember the last time that I ate as well as I am now. I think about what and how much I eat. These are all good things and I know it is making a difference in how I look and feel. However, I still want to see my weight go down. This week I was able to lose four pounds, which means I am down 31 pounds total and have lost 10% of my weight since I joined Weight Watchers! (I did join WW after I had lost 13 pounds on my own, because I knew I wanted the extra support to be able to continue to be successful) It's wonderful to see the success on the scale match the success I'm seeing in my life changes. :) After I weighed in, I went and got my hair done. It's a good day so far with the potential to get even better! :)

Here is my first entry. I'll try and post more than once a week, but won't be any less than once a week.

Until I post again, I will continue acting on my decision.