I am quite a clothing pack rat. No, I am not a hoarder. My pack rat tendencies are pretty well contained. I won't let you look in my closets, but that's pretty much the only area taken over by my stuff. Yes, that was closets. I have 2/3 of the closet in the master bedroom, all of the closet in the guest room (though I moved a few of Vince's hoodies in there so it isn't all my stuff), and 3/4 of the closet in the smallest guest room. Did I mention dressers or Rubbermaid tubs? No? Well, let's just move on and pretend that I didn't say anything.
I started ordering clothing from catalogs several years ago because I found going to the stores depressing. All the cute clothes were too small and the stuff that fit was not cute. Not to mention that sizes I thought would fit were too small and I was having to go to sizes that made me feel really fat. Many of the catalogs for bigger ladies try to make us feel good by sizing things L, 1X, and 2X that would really be 1X, 2X, and 3X, if not bigger. So the numbers in front of the X weren't quite as depressing in the catalogs. However, I had the problem of ordering clothing without knowing whether it would fit or not. And I'm actually really bad at returning catalog orders if they didn't fit. I'd wash them, stick them in the closet, and pray that somehow it would fit other time.
I know there are much worse vices than having closets full of clothes. The saddest thing about my vice is that for more years than I care to admit, I have only worn a very small portion of the clothing that I own. There was a section of clothing in each closet that I would actually wear. It got to the point where I honestly didn't realize exactly what was in each closet. I knew what rotation of clothes I could/would wear. Occasionally I would try on something that caught my eye, look in the mirror, sigh, and put it back in the closet for something that I knew would fit me.
As I made progress on my journey, I didn't even think about wearing any of the other clothes that I had in my closets because I was so used to just grabbing the same things. One day, I pulled out a shirt that I had forget about and honestly can't tell you when I got, and put it on just to see how it fit. It fit me wonderfully and looked great! It was so exciting! I started grabbing more shirts to see how they would fit and discovered a whole "new" wardrobe of tops for me! There are only two bad things about this: 1. I am not finding pants that I can wear because everything I own in that category of clothing is WAY too big even when I cinch it up in a belt. 2. The "new" clothes are getting too big for me! Yes, I know...rough life having these first world problems. I keep wearing the "new" clothes even though they are getting baggy because I want to get a little wear out of them before I give them away.
So the next step is to go through the closets, dressers, and Rubbermaid tubs to see what I need to get rid of and to start buying actual new clothes, though I'm finding it hard to buy too much because I want to get even smaller. I will say that my co-workers are the best motivation to buy new clothes. Every time I wear something that fits me, I get so many compliments about how nice I look or how much weight I've lost. It makes me want to have all of my clothes fit everyday. I'm getting there. But just like my journey, this too will take time. :)
So I'll tighten my belt and continue moving on with my journey.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Thursday, November 29, 2012
The Best Things: Inspiration
When I first started seriously thinking about making changes in my life, I started looking at people in my life who were making changes that were like the ones I wanted to make. I know there are people who will understand this more than others, but as an obese person or as in my case, a morbidly obese person, making changes in your life can seem so overwhelming that there is no way you could possibly do it. There is so far to go that the journey seems almost impossible. It can seem too overwhelming. To keep from being overwhelmed, I started looking for inspiration and found it right in front of me. Hopefully neither of these people will be upset with me for using them in this blog. I didn't ask in advance so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. My cousin, Michelle, had been posting on facebook about her success with Weight Watchers and how she was walking and transitioning to running. My dear friend, Erin, had made a huge change in her life and I could see how great she looked and felt through all of the changes she had made. These two amazingly strong women helped give me inspiration to start my own journey. Reading their successes and accomplishments made me want to have success too! I wanted to feel that pride and happiness that came from doing such great things! I don't know that I've ever said thank you to either of them or really told them how much of a difference their example made for me. Hopefully they both know it or at least realize it now! :)
So I started, small and simple and I had my own successes. I made progress and started to see the changes. I posted everything on Facebook for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, it gave me a place to share things and keep myself accountable. I do better when I know other people can see. But in the back of my mind, I think I realized that Michelle and Erin's posts on Facebook made a difference for me. In my own little way and arrogance, I think I hoped maybe I could do the same for someone else, but that really wasn't my main motivation.
As my journey has continued and my successes continue to grow and I continue to shrink (hehehe), I've had several people tell me that I have inspired them. I can't even say how much that means to me. To be able to be an inspiration to anyone is something I never thought I would be able to do. I always figured I'd be that horrible warning, only kind of joking. It means so much to be able to do for someone else what my inspirations did for me. It's like a cycle is being kept in motion. I have a hard time talking about this part of my inspiration post because I don't want to sound vain or self-important. I just feel so grateful to be able to help anyone else make a change in their lives, because making this change in mine has been the best thing I've done for myself.
So inspiration, both received and given, is definitely one of the best things about being on this journey.
So I started, small and simple and I had my own successes. I made progress and started to see the changes. I posted everything on Facebook for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, it gave me a place to share things and keep myself accountable. I do better when I know other people can see. But in the back of my mind, I think I realized that Michelle and Erin's posts on Facebook made a difference for me. In my own little way and arrogance, I think I hoped maybe I could do the same for someone else, but that really wasn't my main motivation.
As my journey has continued and my successes continue to grow and I continue to shrink (hehehe), I've had several people tell me that I have inspired them. I can't even say how much that means to me. To be able to be an inspiration to anyone is something I never thought I would be able to do. I always figured I'd be that horrible warning, only kind of joking. It means so much to be able to do for someone else what my inspirations did for me. It's like a cycle is being kept in motion. I have a hard time talking about this part of my inspiration post because I don't want to sound vain or self-important. I just feel so grateful to be able to help anyone else make a change in their lives, because making this change in mine has been the best thing I've done for myself.
So inspiration, both received and given, is definitely one of the best things about being on this journey.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
The Best Things: Pride
I suppose I should start this blog by saying that these blog posts aren't in any particular order. When I started thinking about writing this blog, I knew I wouldn't have a hard time coming up with best things from Thanksgiving to Christmas, but as I started writing them, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to prioritize them or number them as to which one is most important to me. They are all important, but there really isn't a specific order I would rank them in, no matter how many higher order thinking skills I would have to use to do it. :)
Of course, since I've put that disclaimer, I am going to say that this one is pretty important and thus it is a very difficult post to write. I've been starting and deleting and restarting for almost 15 minutes now and I haven't gotten any further than this.
When I was 16 years old, I worked at McDonalds with a lot of other teens, a lot of whom were smokers. I like to believe that I wasn't influenced by peer pressure, but frankly, I have to admit that I was. One night, when I snuck out of the house, I went to McDonalds to hang out with my friends after work and had my first cigarette. I didn't really like it. The taste was horrible and it made me cough. However, with the stupid determination of a teenager, I stuck with it and became completely addicted. I went from smoking one or two a day to sixteen years later when I was smoking a pack a day. I knew it was unhealthy. I knew it could cause cancer. I knew it was stupid. I knew that my then boyfriend, now husband, hated it. But none of that stopped me. I convinced myself that smoking calmed me down and made me an easier person to be around. That's not to say that I didn't try to quit. I think there were four attempts that failed in many different spectacular ways. Finally in December 2003, I realized I was getting ready to reach the point where I would have been smoking more years than I hadn't been smoking and I knew that I felt horrible more days than I felt good. It was time for me to stop. I made that decision. I hated the idea of quitting. I knew it would suck! I bought nicotine patches, went to my doctor and got on medication to help, carried small pieces of straw in my car so I'd have a crutch, and broke all sorts of routines for my daily life. And I was right...it sucked! I was sure it was the most difficult thing that I would ever do. I was so proud of myself for doing though. It gave me such a great feeling to know that I had done it. Hearing the pride in Vince's voice when I told him that I had quit was amazing! I knew I had done something great and held my head up for having done it! I had times when I wanted to start again, but I held strong and didn't cave. Now, nine years later, it still makes me smile when I realize what I did and how strong I was to do it. I am still proud of the change I made and it makes me feel good to know that I broke free of my addiction.
I'm sure at this point, some of you are wanting to remind me that this isn't a blog about quitting smoking. It's a blog celebrating the best things that have happened since I made this set of changes in my life and have started living healthier. I promise, I'm getting there.
In April 2012, I decided it was time to start making changes again. I was tired of being tired all the time. I was tired of having only certain clothes in my closet that I could wear without being uncomfortable. I was frustrated with the fact that I was in such poor physical condition that walking up and down the stairs at work took my breath away. I was tired of being disgusted with myself when I saw myself in the mirror or tried to take a good picture. I was ready to make a change. I started simple and easy because I knew it wasn't going to work if I tried to do too much at once. The first day, I decided I was going to walk around my neighborhood twice. The first time I walked, I thought I was going to die. I was out of breath and sweating like crazy. However, I knew that I could do it. I knew this was something I had to do. I started working on portion control and eating out less, because, honestly, we had gotten in the bad habit of eating out two to three times a week. Small steps. None of these steps were easy. Some of them were really tough. But I wasn't going to give up. I knew that it was something I needed to do. Now, seven months later, I know I won't die when I walk a 5K or longer and that sometimes I can even run. I can't remember the last time we ate out during the week. I'm about 74 pounds lighter than I was when I started. And...I am so proud of all that I have accomplished. When I look in the mirror, I see that pride reflected back in my smile. I feel that pride when I climb the steps at work without any problems (unless I had a really tough workout the day before and my knees are stiff...but I'm still not out of breath). I feel that pride when I cross the finish line in a race that I never would have believed I could have run. I see that pride when I look at myself in a new smaller outfit or clothes that I haven't worn in years which are getting too big already. I hold my head high and carry myself with the pride that I feel. I'm not disgusted with myself anymore. I'm really proud and even more determined. I also know that I was wrong when I thought quitting smoking was the hardest thing I've ever done. Making healthier life choices is definitely the hardest thing. But the hard is what makes it great, what gives me this sense of pride.
I know I'm not done with journey. I still have things I want to accomplish and milestones that I need to meet. But I'm taking the rest of this journey with pride in what I have accomplished so far. Pride that this is something I have done and am still doing. Pride that I was able to make such a huge change in my life. I'm proud of myself and I have to tell you, it's the first time in a long time that I can say that. And I don't want to go back and I won't let myself.
Thanks for staying with my through this post. I know it rambles a bit. Until tomorrow, I'll keep moving on my journey with pride in myself.
Of course, since I've put that disclaimer, I am going to say that this one is pretty important and thus it is a very difficult post to write. I've been starting and deleting and restarting for almost 15 minutes now and I haven't gotten any further than this.
When I was 16 years old, I worked at McDonalds with a lot of other teens, a lot of whom were smokers. I like to believe that I wasn't influenced by peer pressure, but frankly, I have to admit that I was. One night, when I snuck out of the house, I went to McDonalds to hang out with my friends after work and had my first cigarette. I didn't really like it. The taste was horrible and it made me cough. However, with the stupid determination of a teenager, I stuck with it and became completely addicted. I went from smoking one or two a day to sixteen years later when I was smoking a pack a day. I knew it was unhealthy. I knew it could cause cancer. I knew it was stupid. I knew that my then boyfriend, now husband, hated it. But none of that stopped me. I convinced myself that smoking calmed me down and made me an easier person to be around. That's not to say that I didn't try to quit. I think there were four attempts that failed in many different spectacular ways. Finally in December 2003, I realized I was getting ready to reach the point where I would have been smoking more years than I hadn't been smoking and I knew that I felt horrible more days than I felt good. It was time for me to stop. I made that decision. I hated the idea of quitting. I knew it would suck! I bought nicotine patches, went to my doctor and got on medication to help, carried small pieces of straw in my car so I'd have a crutch, and broke all sorts of routines for my daily life. And I was right...it sucked! I was sure it was the most difficult thing that I would ever do. I was so proud of myself for doing though. It gave me such a great feeling to know that I had done it. Hearing the pride in Vince's voice when I told him that I had quit was amazing! I knew I had done something great and held my head up for having done it! I had times when I wanted to start again, but I held strong and didn't cave. Now, nine years later, it still makes me smile when I realize what I did and how strong I was to do it. I am still proud of the change I made and it makes me feel good to know that I broke free of my addiction.
I'm sure at this point, some of you are wanting to remind me that this isn't a blog about quitting smoking. It's a blog celebrating the best things that have happened since I made this set of changes in my life and have started living healthier. I promise, I'm getting there.
In April 2012, I decided it was time to start making changes again. I was tired of being tired all the time. I was tired of having only certain clothes in my closet that I could wear without being uncomfortable. I was frustrated with the fact that I was in such poor physical condition that walking up and down the stairs at work took my breath away. I was tired of being disgusted with myself when I saw myself in the mirror or tried to take a good picture. I was ready to make a change. I started simple and easy because I knew it wasn't going to work if I tried to do too much at once. The first day, I decided I was going to walk around my neighborhood twice. The first time I walked, I thought I was going to die. I was out of breath and sweating like crazy. However, I knew that I could do it. I knew this was something I had to do. I started working on portion control and eating out less, because, honestly, we had gotten in the bad habit of eating out two to three times a week. Small steps. None of these steps were easy. Some of them were really tough. But I wasn't going to give up. I knew that it was something I needed to do. Now, seven months later, I know I won't die when I walk a 5K or longer and that sometimes I can even run. I can't remember the last time we ate out during the week. I'm about 74 pounds lighter than I was when I started. And...I am so proud of all that I have accomplished. When I look in the mirror, I see that pride reflected back in my smile. I feel that pride when I climb the steps at work without any problems (unless I had a really tough workout the day before and my knees are stiff...but I'm still not out of breath). I feel that pride when I cross the finish line in a race that I never would have believed I could have run. I see that pride when I look at myself in a new smaller outfit or clothes that I haven't worn in years which are getting too big already. I hold my head high and carry myself with the pride that I feel. I'm not disgusted with myself anymore. I'm really proud and even more determined. I also know that I was wrong when I thought quitting smoking was the hardest thing I've ever done. Making healthier life choices is definitely the hardest thing. But the hard is what makes it great, what gives me this sense of pride.
I know I'm not done with journey. I still have things I want to accomplish and milestones that I need to meet. But I'm taking the rest of this journey with pride in what I have accomplished so far. Pride that this is something I have done and am still doing. Pride that I was able to make such a huge change in my life. I'm proud of myself and I have to tell you, it's the first time in a long time that I can say that. And I don't want to go back and I won't let myself.
Thanks for staying with my through this post. I know it rambles a bit. Until tomorrow, I'll keep moving on my journey with pride in myself.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
The Best Things: Pictures and Mirrors
As my friend, Erin Withers, liked to point out to me, I never used to use current pictures of myself for my profile pictures on...well...pretty much anything. I love some of my baby pictures and would use those. One summer I used book jackets, which I thought was cool because I had some students as friends then and it let them see all that I was reading. I've used many different versions of K-State logos. Anything but pictures of myself. I really hated having my picture taken.
I hated having my picture taken because I thought I always looked fat. And honestly, that's because I was. If I'm being honest with myself, I knew I was fat; I just hated having the pictures as proof. I remember one picture my students took of me for a project in one of their technology classes. I looked at it and thought, "Oh Lord, am I really that big?" It almost made me cry and I had to hide it because the students were proud of what a good picture they had taken. I didn't want to make them feel bad so I smiled and hid my feelings.
Mirrors would inspire the same feelings in me. I would use mirrors because I have no clue how people get ready without them, but I wouldn't look in them any more than I had to. I just didn't want to see myself.
I continued to avoid cameras, even after I started on this journey, probably more out of habit than anything else. However, at the Glow Run in August, I wanted pictures with my Wonder Pets buddies all in our new Wonder Pets shirts! Many pictures were taken to document my first 5K. When I looked at them afterwards, I was surprised that I didn't hate them. I was so used to hating pictures of myself. I looked okay.
With more 5Ks and lots of new shirts for races, I took more and more pictures. I kept being surprised that I liked them. I expected to hate them. I expected to look fat. It really took me a while before I realized how much I had changed physically. I started to see the differences, especially when I compared them to older pictures.
Sometimes now when I look in the mirror, I am surprised by how different I look. It is such a dramatic change! I joke with Vince that I'm going to become vain and he'll have to pull me away from the mirror becaue I will spend all my time looking into it. So far I'm doing okay. :)
Now, I don't think I'll ever be the first person in front of a camera or honestly will spend hours in front of a mirror. However, it's a nice change to not mind having my picture taken or worry about how bad I'll look. I have my picture up for my profile picture on Facebook, Blogger, Twitter, Pintrest, GoodReads and on and on. One of the best things about this change is that now I have more pictures of Vince and me together. I like pictures of us together and, while he hates having his picture taken, he loves me enough to put up with me and my new found interest in pictures. :)
So I'll smile and say CHEESE as I continue on my journey.
I hated having my picture taken because I thought I always looked fat. And honestly, that's because I was. If I'm being honest with myself, I knew I was fat; I just hated having the pictures as proof. I remember one picture my students took of me for a project in one of their technology classes. I looked at it and thought, "Oh Lord, am I really that big?" It almost made me cry and I had to hide it because the students were proud of what a good picture they had taken. I didn't want to make them feel bad so I smiled and hid my feelings.
Mirrors would inspire the same feelings in me. I would use mirrors because I have no clue how people get ready without them, but I wouldn't look in them any more than I had to. I just didn't want to see myself.
I continued to avoid cameras, even after I started on this journey, probably more out of habit than anything else. However, at the Glow Run in August, I wanted pictures with my Wonder Pets buddies all in our new Wonder Pets shirts! Many pictures were taken to document my first 5K. When I looked at them afterwards, I was surprised that I didn't hate them. I was so used to hating pictures of myself. I looked okay.
With more 5Ks and lots of new shirts for races, I took more and more pictures. I kept being surprised that I liked them. I expected to hate them. I expected to look fat. It really took me a while before I realized how much I had changed physically. I started to see the differences, especially when I compared them to older pictures.
Sometimes now when I look in the mirror, I am surprised by how different I look. It is such a dramatic change! I joke with Vince that I'm going to become vain and he'll have to pull me away from the mirror becaue I will spend all my time looking into it. So far I'm doing okay. :)
Now, I don't think I'll ever be the first person in front of a camera or honestly will spend hours in front of a mirror. However, it's a nice change to not mind having my picture taken or worry about how bad I'll look. I have my picture up for my profile picture on Facebook, Blogger, Twitter, Pintrest, GoodReads and on and on. One of the best things about this change is that now I have more pictures of Vince and me together. I like pictures of us together and, while he hates having his picture taken, he loves me enough to put up with me and my new found interest in pictures. :)
So I'll smile and say CHEESE as I continue on my journey.
Monday, November 26, 2012
The Best Things: Less Back Pain
In the spring of 2010, I was laid up with horrible lower back pain. It was the kind of pain that made it hurt to move, no matter how small the movement was. I still tried to work because it was May and no teacher wants to have to deal with missing school in May. I spent my lunch period laying on tables in my room, with tears streaming down my face. The muscle spasms were so bad that when my class after lunch came in, I couldn't sit down without being in agony. They were actually the most well-behaved they had ever been because they had never seen me in such bad shape. It was the worst way to end a school year. My doctor told me to reduce stress because it was probably irritated by stress. Summer definitely helped lower my stress.
In the spring of 2011, I had a replay of the same lower back pain and I had to miss more school. It was miserable and horrible and I essentially missed the entire month of June because I was laid up with back pain. I spent the first month of my vacation alternating between laying on the floor and my bed and took so much medicine that it was crazy. We found out that I have two bulging disks in my back that will never go away. I controlled it most of that summer with medicine, ice, heat, and rest. It flared up again in the fall and I finally had an epidural steroid shot, which made a huge amount of difference and actually had me pain free for a while.
Flash forward to spring of 2012, I hadn't been on my journey for very long and I was so scared that I was going to be set back by back pain again. I think it was a combination of many things (being more physically active, walking, losing weight, taking better care of myself, a forceful husband who wouldn't let me lift anything as I moved rooms again), but I didn't have the back problems to end the school year. It was amazing to end a school year without multiple visits to the doctor and lots of medication.
I don't think I'll ever be completely pain free in my back. As I said before, my bulging disks aren't going away. They will always be a part of my life. I will always be careful lifting, reaching, and bending. However, even at my worse during the summer, I just had to slow down and take ibuprofen and stretch. I haven't had to go to the doctor for back pain for over a year now. With the debilitating back pain that I used to deal with, this is such a huge step for me. I know that is a direct result of carrying less weight and being more active. Just another reason why I won't go back again. I'm going to keep going on my journey.
In the spring of 2011, I had a replay of the same lower back pain and I had to miss more school. It was miserable and horrible and I essentially missed the entire month of June because I was laid up with back pain. I spent the first month of my vacation alternating between laying on the floor and my bed and took so much medicine that it was crazy. We found out that I have two bulging disks in my back that will never go away. I controlled it most of that summer with medicine, ice, heat, and rest. It flared up again in the fall and I finally had an epidural steroid shot, which made a huge amount of difference and actually had me pain free for a while.
Flash forward to spring of 2012, I hadn't been on my journey for very long and I was so scared that I was going to be set back by back pain again. I think it was a combination of many things (being more physically active, walking, losing weight, taking better care of myself, a forceful husband who wouldn't let me lift anything as I moved rooms again), but I didn't have the back problems to end the school year. It was amazing to end a school year without multiple visits to the doctor and lots of medication.
I don't think I'll ever be completely pain free in my back. As I said before, my bulging disks aren't going away. They will always be a part of my life. I will always be careful lifting, reaching, and bending. However, even at my worse during the summer, I just had to slow down and take ibuprofen and stretch. I haven't had to go to the doctor for back pain for over a year now. With the debilitating back pain that I used to deal with, this is such a huge step for me. I know that is a direct result of carrying less weight and being more active. Just another reason why I won't go back again. I'm going to keep going on my journey.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
The Best Things: T-Shirts
I love wearing t-shirts! I have two closets and a chest of drawers full of mostly t-shirts. There are sports t-shirts, Curtis t-shirts, souvenir t-shirts from places we've visited, attitude t-shirts that caught my eye, holiday t-shirts, and so on. I have always loved t-shirts and have worn them as long as I can remember. One of my favorite sets of pictures from childhood is Steve and I wearing the same K-State t-shirt a couple of years apart.
As I got larger, I had to wear bigger sizes of t-shirts, moving from XL to 2XL to finally 3XL. It's harder to find t-shirts in 3XL unless you are ordering them online and you always have to pay extra for them if you can find them. When we went to K-State football and basketball games, I would look in the Cats Closet for t-shirts and inevitably would find something I liked and have to go home and look online to see if it was available in my size. Rarely was I able to find something that I liked in my size. I tried to convince myself that it was better that way because then I didn't have to carry a bag around during the game.
I'm now down to an XL size and those are available everywhere! I went to a conference in Vegas and found several t-shirts that I liked and was able to buy them there because they were in my size. When we went to a K-State football game this year, I found a cute Willie shirt that was in my size so I bought it...and carrying a bag around really wasn't that big of a deal! :)
Here's the coolest part and I just discovered it this weekend. At the Wings game Friday night, they were giving away Wings t-shirts to the first 1000 people to be at the game. Vince and I were among the first 1000 and so we stopped at the table to pick up our shirts. All the shirts they were giving away were larges, which reminded me of previous times, but I picked one up anyway. When we got to our seats, I thought what the heck and pulled it on over my long sleeved shirt I had worn to the game. IT FIT!!!! I was wearing a L t-shirt at the game and it wasn't too small!!! During one of the t-shirt tosses during the game, I caught one of them and it was a large as well. I just wore it this morning to work out!!! I can wear a large t-shirt!!! I'm still more comfortable in a XL, but it made me ecstatic to see that I CAN wear a large t-shirt!! It's amazing what a boost something silly like that is! It gave me an extra push and made me see even more clearly that I'm making serious changes in my body size! What a powerful feeling!!
So this is another reason that I am definitely continuing on my journey!
As I got larger, I had to wear bigger sizes of t-shirts, moving from XL to 2XL to finally 3XL. It's harder to find t-shirts in 3XL unless you are ordering them online and you always have to pay extra for them if you can find them. When we went to K-State football and basketball games, I would look in the Cats Closet for t-shirts and inevitably would find something I liked and have to go home and look online to see if it was available in my size. Rarely was I able to find something that I liked in my size. I tried to convince myself that it was better that way because then I didn't have to carry a bag around during the game.
I'm now down to an XL size and those are available everywhere! I went to a conference in Vegas and found several t-shirts that I liked and was able to buy them there because they were in my size. When we went to a K-State football game this year, I found a cute Willie shirt that was in my size so I bought it...and carrying a bag around really wasn't that big of a deal! :)
Here's the coolest part and I just discovered it this weekend. At the Wings game Friday night, they were giving away Wings t-shirts to the first 1000 people to be at the game. Vince and I were among the first 1000 and so we stopped at the table to pick up our shirts. All the shirts they were giving away were larges, which reminded me of previous times, but I picked one up anyway. When we got to our seats, I thought what the heck and pulled it on over my long sleeved shirt I had worn to the game. IT FIT!!!! I was wearing a L t-shirt at the game and it wasn't too small!!! During one of the t-shirt tosses during the game, I caught one of them and it was a large as well. I just wore it this morning to work out!!! I can wear a large t-shirt!!! I'm still more comfortable in a XL, but it made me ecstatic to see that I CAN wear a large t-shirt!! It's amazing what a boost something silly like that is! It gave me an extra push and made me see even more clearly that I'm making serious changes in my body size! What a powerful feeling!!
So this is another reason that I am definitely continuing on my journey!
Saturday, November 24, 2012
The Best Things: Airplane Flights
For those of you who have never had a problem with your weight, this blog post may not make any sense to you.
I have never really liked flying. I know it's the quickest way to get to places that I want to go. I know it's as safe as driving. I knew that when I got together with a man in California when I was living in Kansas that flying was always going to be a part of my life. However, I've never liked it. I have slight motion sickness so taking off and landing have never been fun. Those are the main reasons I don't like flying, but there are others. As a bigger person, flying had always meant squeezing into a seat that was on the small side for the size of my behind. In one of my most embarassing moments, I had to ask for a seatbelt extender on a flight from Wichita to Denver because I couldn't get the seatbelt fastened. I had a hard time using the seatback table because it didn't sit flat due to my stomach and thigh size. Based on my physical size, I was never comfortable on flights and always felt bad for the person sitting next to me, when it wasn't Vince (he never minded having our legs touch), because I did "ooze" over into their space and couldn't do anything about it. It was humiliating and embarassing.
So when we flew to Las Vegas for a conference, I was curious what it was going to be like to be on a plane. I still don't like flying and still have my mild motion sickness. However, I was able to fit in my seat easily and not spill over into anyone else's space! Due to some booking issues, Vince and I weren't able to sit next to each other for three of the four flights and we ended up in middle seats for a couple of legs. I really was amazed how well I fit into my seat and how much more comfortable it was. It really opened my eyes to how much smaller I am than I was when I started this journey! I smiled a lot more on ths series of flights, even when I ended up next to a very nice gentleman who didn't understand that he really did need to put his knees closer together so he wasn't in my space, but that's another story.
One more reason that I'm glad I started on this journey and why I won't go back to where I was.
I have never really liked flying. I know it's the quickest way to get to places that I want to go. I know it's as safe as driving. I knew that when I got together with a man in California when I was living in Kansas that flying was always going to be a part of my life. However, I've never liked it. I have slight motion sickness so taking off and landing have never been fun. Those are the main reasons I don't like flying, but there are others. As a bigger person, flying had always meant squeezing into a seat that was on the small side for the size of my behind. In one of my most embarassing moments, I had to ask for a seatbelt extender on a flight from Wichita to Denver because I couldn't get the seatbelt fastened. I had a hard time using the seatback table because it didn't sit flat due to my stomach and thigh size. Based on my physical size, I was never comfortable on flights and always felt bad for the person sitting next to me, when it wasn't Vince (he never minded having our legs touch), because I did "ooze" over into their space and couldn't do anything about it. It was humiliating and embarassing.
So when we flew to Las Vegas for a conference, I was curious what it was going to be like to be on a plane. I still don't like flying and still have my mild motion sickness. However, I was able to fit in my seat easily and not spill over into anyone else's space! Due to some booking issues, Vince and I weren't able to sit next to each other for three of the four flights and we ended up in middle seats for a couple of legs. I really was amazed how well I fit into my seat and how much more comfortable it was. It really opened my eyes to how much smaller I am than I was when I started this journey! I smiled a lot more on ths series of flights, even when I ended up next to a very nice gentleman who didn't understand that he really did need to put his knees closer together so he wasn't in my space, but that's another story.
One more reason that I'm glad I started on this journey and why I won't go back to where I was.
Friday, November 23, 2012
The Best Things: Race Days
In high school, I used to run track. I wasn't very good, but I was the best at the 3200 m run in my school. In fact, for several years, I held the school record, which wasn't very good, but it was mine. Then I made some really unfortunately decisions, including starting to smoke and I stopped paying attention to what I was eating. Running stopped being a part of who I was and I didn't really miss it. Running was never fun for me and track meet days always made me nervous and a little sick to my stomach. I was okay with giving it up.
Flash forward 24 years and I'm making much better choices. I haven't smoked in nine years, as of December 1, and am eating healthier and working out more. In August, with the encouragement of friends, I started racing again. This time I started as a walker and still got some nerves on race day. The biggest difference this time is that I really enjoyed racing and found it to be less about stress and more about accomplishment. When I finished the Glow Run in August, I felt so powerful and capable and proud of what I had just done. It was amazing!
Now I do at least one race a month, though November has been a loaded month with three races. Each time I feel the empowerment of being able to do this. With my last two races, I added some running with my walking and have been able to improve my time with each race. It makes me so incredibly happy and proud!!
These feelings are things I wouldn't know without having made the decisions I've made. Just one of the many benefits of being on this journey!
Flash forward 24 years and I'm making much better choices. I haven't smoked in nine years, as of December 1, and am eating healthier and working out more. In August, with the encouragement of friends, I started racing again. This time I started as a walker and still got some nerves on race day. The biggest difference this time is that I really enjoyed racing and found it to be less about stress and more about accomplishment. When I finished the Glow Run in August, I felt so powerful and capable and proud of what I had just done. It was amazing!
Now I do at least one race a month, though November has been a loaded month with three races. Each time I feel the empowerment of being able to do this. With my last two races, I added some running with my walking and have been able to improve my time with each race. It makes me so incredibly happy and proud!!
These feelings are things I wouldn't know without having made the decisions I've made. Just one of the many benefits of being on this journey!
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
The Best Things: The Introduction
So I have been reading a lot of posts on Facebook from people who are participating in the 30 Days of Thankfulness (or whatever it is officially called). I think it's cool that so many people are participating, but it's not something I've ever done. It's not that I'm not thankful or grateful for the wonderful things in my life; it's just not something I do.
I was thinking about a lot of things this past week and decided that I was going to use that idea for something I'm going to do from Thanksgiving through Christmas, which is a notoriously difficult time for those of us with weight challenges. Everyday, I am going to post some of the best things about being healthier and making the changes that I have made in my life. I was debating on whether I should post it here or on Facebook. Ultimately I decided to post it here because there is usually a back story to the things that I think about and it would make for ridiculously long status posts. Also, it is a place where I can keep these and easily go back and look at them again. Not to mention, this is supposed to be where I'm documenting my journey and this is a large part of my decision.
So I will link my blog posts to Facebook each time, so you'll be able to see them if you want to, or not see them if you don't care. I think I've set up my blog to allow comments, if you want to comment here or you can comment on the Facebook link.
I'm going to start tomorrow morning and again the goal is to post everyday. However, the best laid plans of mice and men and turtles and all that. :)
My goal for this is to keep me acting on my decision.
I was thinking about a lot of things this past week and decided that I was going to use that idea for something I'm going to do from Thanksgiving through Christmas, which is a notoriously difficult time for those of us with weight challenges. Everyday, I am going to post some of the best things about being healthier and making the changes that I have made in my life. I was debating on whether I should post it here or on Facebook. Ultimately I decided to post it here because there is usually a back story to the things that I think about and it would make for ridiculously long status posts. Also, it is a place where I can keep these and easily go back and look at them again. Not to mention, this is supposed to be where I'm documenting my journey and this is a large part of my decision.
So I will link my blog posts to Facebook each time, so you'll be able to see them if you want to, or not see them if you don't care. I think I've set up my blog to allow comments, if you want to comment here or you can comment on the Facebook link.
I'm going to start tomorrow morning and again the goal is to post everyday. However, the best laid plans of mice and men and turtles and all that. :)
My goal for this is to keep me acting on my decision.
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