In the spring of 2010, I was laid up with horrible lower back pain. It was the kind of pain that made it hurt to move, no matter how small the movement was. I still tried to work because it was May and no teacher wants to have to deal with missing school in May. I spent my lunch period laying on tables in my room, with tears streaming down my face. The muscle spasms were so bad that when my class after lunch came in, I couldn't sit down without being in agony. They were actually the most well-behaved they had ever been because they had never seen me in such bad shape. It was the worst way to end a school year. My doctor told me to reduce stress because it was probably irritated by stress. Summer definitely helped lower my stress.
In the spring of 2011, I had a replay of the same lower back pain and I had to miss more school. It was miserable and horrible and I essentially missed the entire month of June because I was laid up with back pain. I spent the first month of my vacation alternating between laying on the floor and my bed and took so much medicine that it was crazy. We found out that I have two bulging disks in my back that will never go away. I controlled it most of that summer with medicine, ice, heat, and rest. It flared up again in the fall and I finally had an epidural steroid shot, which made a huge amount of difference and actually had me pain free for a while.
Flash forward to spring of 2012, I hadn't been on my journey for very long and I was so scared that I was going to be set back by back pain again. I think it was a combination of many things (being more physically active, walking, losing weight, taking better care of myself, a forceful husband who wouldn't let me lift anything as I moved rooms again), but I didn't have the back problems to end the school year. It was amazing to end a school year without multiple visits to the doctor and lots of medication.
I don't think I'll ever be completely pain free in my back. As I said before, my bulging disks aren't going away. They will always be a part of my life. I will always be careful lifting, reaching, and bending. However, even at my worse during the summer, I just had to slow down and take ibuprofen and stretch. I haven't had to go to the doctor for back pain for over a year now. With the debilitating back pain that I used to deal with, this is such a huge step for me. I know that is a direct result of carrying less weight and being more active. Just another reason why I won't go back again. I'm going to keep going on my journey.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
The Best Things: T-Shirts
I love wearing t-shirts! I have two closets and a chest of drawers full of mostly t-shirts. There are sports t-shirts, Curtis t-shirts, souvenir t-shirts from places we've visited, attitude t-shirts that caught my eye, holiday t-shirts, and so on. I have always loved t-shirts and have worn them as long as I can remember. One of my favorite sets of pictures from childhood is Steve and I wearing the same K-State t-shirt a couple of years apart.
As I got larger, I had to wear bigger sizes of t-shirts, moving from XL to 2XL to finally 3XL. It's harder to find t-shirts in 3XL unless you are ordering them online and you always have to pay extra for them if you can find them. When we went to K-State football and basketball games, I would look in the Cats Closet for t-shirts and inevitably would find something I liked and have to go home and look online to see if it was available in my size. Rarely was I able to find something that I liked in my size. I tried to convince myself that it was better that way because then I didn't have to carry a bag around during the game.
I'm now down to an XL size and those are available everywhere! I went to a conference in Vegas and found several t-shirts that I liked and was able to buy them there because they were in my size. When we went to a K-State football game this year, I found a cute Willie shirt that was in my size so I bought it...and carrying a bag around really wasn't that big of a deal! :)
Here's the coolest part and I just discovered it this weekend. At the Wings game Friday night, they were giving away Wings t-shirts to the first 1000 people to be at the game. Vince and I were among the first 1000 and so we stopped at the table to pick up our shirts. All the shirts they were giving away were larges, which reminded me of previous times, but I picked one up anyway. When we got to our seats, I thought what the heck and pulled it on over my long sleeved shirt I had worn to the game. IT FIT!!!! I was wearing a L t-shirt at the game and it wasn't too small!!! During one of the t-shirt tosses during the game, I caught one of them and it was a large as well. I just wore it this morning to work out!!! I can wear a large t-shirt!!! I'm still more comfortable in a XL, but it made me ecstatic to see that I CAN wear a large t-shirt!! It's amazing what a boost something silly like that is! It gave me an extra push and made me see even more clearly that I'm making serious changes in my body size! What a powerful feeling!!
So this is another reason that I am definitely continuing on my journey!
As I got larger, I had to wear bigger sizes of t-shirts, moving from XL to 2XL to finally 3XL. It's harder to find t-shirts in 3XL unless you are ordering them online and you always have to pay extra for them if you can find them. When we went to K-State football and basketball games, I would look in the Cats Closet for t-shirts and inevitably would find something I liked and have to go home and look online to see if it was available in my size. Rarely was I able to find something that I liked in my size. I tried to convince myself that it was better that way because then I didn't have to carry a bag around during the game.
I'm now down to an XL size and those are available everywhere! I went to a conference in Vegas and found several t-shirts that I liked and was able to buy them there because they were in my size. When we went to a K-State football game this year, I found a cute Willie shirt that was in my size so I bought it...and carrying a bag around really wasn't that big of a deal! :)
Here's the coolest part and I just discovered it this weekend. At the Wings game Friday night, they were giving away Wings t-shirts to the first 1000 people to be at the game. Vince and I were among the first 1000 and so we stopped at the table to pick up our shirts. All the shirts they were giving away were larges, which reminded me of previous times, but I picked one up anyway. When we got to our seats, I thought what the heck and pulled it on over my long sleeved shirt I had worn to the game. IT FIT!!!! I was wearing a L t-shirt at the game and it wasn't too small!!! During one of the t-shirt tosses during the game, I caught one of them and it was a large as well. I just wore it this morning to work out!!! I can wear a large t-shirt!!! I'm still more comfortable in a XL, but it made me ecstatic to see that I CAN wear a large t-shirt!! It's amazing what a boost something silly like that is! It gave me an extra push and made me see even more clearly that I'm making serious changes in my body size! What a powerful feeling!!
So this is another reason that I am definitely continuing on my journey!
Saturday, November 24, 2012
The Best Things: Airplane Flights
For those of you who have never had a problem with your weight, this blog post may not make any sense to you.
I have never really liked flying. I know it's the quickest way to get to places that I want to go. I know it's as safe as driving. I knew that when I got together with a man in California when I was living in Kansas that flying was always going to be a part of my life. However, I've never liked it. I have slight motion sickness so taking off and landing have never been fun. Those are the main reasons I don't like flying, but there are others. As a bigger person, flying had always meant squeezing into a seat that was on the small side for the size of my behind. In one of my most embarassing moments, I had to ask for a seatbelt extender on a flight from Wichita to Denver because I couldn't get the seatbelt fastened. I had a hard time using the seatback table because it didn't sit flat due to my stomach and thigh size. Based on my physical size, I was never comfortable on flights and always felt bad for the person sitting next to me, when it wasn't Vince (he never minded having our legs touch), because I did "ooze" over into their space and couldn't do anything about it. It was humiliating and embarassing.
So when we flew to Las Vegas for a conference, I was curious what it was going to be like to be on a plane. I still don't like flying and still have my mild motion sickness. However, I was able to fit in my seat easily and not spill over into anyone else's space! Due to some booking issues, Vince and I weren't able to sit next to each other for three of the four flights and we ended up in middle seats for a couple of legs. I really was amazed how well I fit into my seat and how much more comfortable it was. It really opened my eyes to how much smaller I am than I was when I started this journey! I smiled a lot more on ths series of flights, even when I ended up next to a very nice gentleman who didn't understand that he really did need to put his knees closer together so he wasn't in my space, but that's another story.
One more reason that I'm glad I started on this journey and why I won't go back to where I was.
I have never really liked flying. I know it's the quickest way to get to places that I want to go. I know it's as safe as driving. I knew that when I got together with a man in California when I was living in Kansas that flying was always going to be a part of my life. However, I've never liked it. I have slight motion sickness so taking off and landing have never been fun. Those are the main reasons I don't like flying, but there are others. As a bigger person, flying had always meant squeezing into a seat that was on the small side for the size of my behind. In one of my most embarassing moments, I had to ask for a seatbelt extender on a flight from Wichita to Denver because I couldn't get the seatbelt fastened. I had a hard time using the seatback table because it didn't sit flat due to my stomach and thigh size. Based on my physical size, I was never comfortable on flights and always felt bad for the person sitting next to me, when it wasn't Vince (he never minded having our legs touch), because I did "ooze" over into their space and couldn't do anything about it. It was humiliating and embarassing.
So when we flew to Las Vegas for a conference, I was curious what it was going to be like to be on a plane. I still don't like flying and still have my mild motion sickness. However, I was able to fit in my seat easily and not spill over into anyone else's space! Due to some booking issues, Vince and I weren't able to sit next to each other for three of the four flights and we ended up in middle seats for a couple of legs. I really was amazed how well I fit into my seat and how much more comfortable it was. It really opened my eyes to how much smaller I am than I was when I started this journey! I smiled a lot more on ths series of flights, even when I ended up next to a very nice gentleman who didn't understand that he really did need to put his knees closer together so he wasn't in my space, but that's another story.
One more reason that I'm glad I started on this journey and why I won't go back to where I was.
Friday, November 23, 2012
The Best Things: Race Days
In high school, I used to run track. I wasn't very good, but I was the best at the 3200 m run in my school. In fact, for several years, I held the school record, which wasn't very good, but it was mine. Then I made some really unfortunately decisions, including starting to smoke and I stopped paying attention to what I was eating. Running stopped being a part of who I was and I didn't really miss it. Running was never fun for me and track meet days always made me nervous and a little sick to my stomach. I was okay with giving it up.
Flash forward 24 years and I'm making much better choices. I haven't smoked in nine years, as of December 1, and am eating healthier and working out more. In August, with the encouragement of friends, I started racing again. This time I started as a walker and still got some nerves on race day. The biggest difference this time is that I really enjoyed racing and found it to be less about stress and more about accomplishment. When I finished the Glow Run in August, I felt so powerful and capable and proud of what I had just done. It was amazing!
Now I do at least one race a month, though November has been a loaded month with three races. Each time I feel the empowerment of being able to do this. With my last two races, I added some running with my walking and have been able to improve my time with each race. It makes me so incredibly happy and proud!!
These feelings are things I wouldn't know without having made the decisions I've made. Just one of the many benefits of being on this journey!
Flash forward 24 years and I'm making much better choices. I haven't smoked in nine years, as of December 1, and am eating healthier and working out more. In August, with the encouragement of friends, I started racing again. This time I started as a walker and still got some nerves on race day. The biggest difference this time is that I really enjoyed racing and found it to be less about stress and more about accomplishment. When I finished the Glow Run in August, I felt so powerful and capable and proud of what I had just done. It was amazing!
Now I do at least one race a month, though November has been a loaded month with three races. Each time I feel the empowerment of being able to do this. With my last two races, I added some running with my walking and have been able to improve my time with each race. It makes me so incredibly happy and proud!!
These feelings are things I wouldn't know without having made the decisions I've made. Just one of the many benefits of being on this journey!
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
The Best Things: The Introduction
So I have been reading a lot of posts on Facebook from people who are participating in the 30 Days of Thankfulness (or whatever it is officially called). I think it's cool that so many people are participating, but it's not something I've ever done. It's not that I'm not thankful or grateful for the wonderful things in my life; it's just not something I do.
I was thinking about a lot of things this past week and decided that I was going to use that idea for something I'm going to do from Thanksgiving through Christmas, which is a notoriously difficult time for those of us with weight challenges. Everyday, I am going to post some of the best things about being healthier and making the changes that I have made in my life. I was debating on whether I should post it here or on Facebook. Ultimately I decided to post it here because there is usually a back story to the things that I think about and it would make for ridiculously long status posts. Also, it is a place where I can keep these and easily go back and look at them again. Not to mention, this is supposed to be where I'm documenting my journey and this is a large part of my decision.
So I will link my blog posts to Facebook each time, so you'll be able to see them if you want to, or not see them if you don't care. I think I've set up my blog to allow comments, if you want to comment here or you can comment on the Facebook link.
I'm going to start tomorrow morning and again the goal is to post everyday. However, the best laid plans of mice and men and turtles and all that. :)
My goal for this is to keep me acting on my decision.
I was thinking about a lot of things this past week and decided that I was going to use that idea for something I'm going to do from Thanksgiving through Christmas, which is a notoriously difficult time for those of us with weight challenges. Everyday, I am going to post some of the best things about being healthier and making the changes that I have made in my life. I was debating on whether I should post it here or on Facebook. Ultimately I decided to post it here because there is usually a back story to the things that I think about and it would make for ridiculously long status posts. Also, it is a place where I can keep these and easily go back and look at them again. Not to mention, this is supposed to be where I'm documenting my journey and this is a large part of my decision.
So I will link my blog posts to Facebook each time, so you'll be able to see them if you want to, or not see them if you don't care. I think I've set up my blog to allow comments, if you want to comment here or you can comment on the Facebook link.
I'm going to start tomorrow morning and again the goal is to post everyday. However, the best laid plans of mice and men and turtles and all that. :)
My goal for this is to keep me acting on my decision.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Life is crazy...but never dull!
Well, I had the best of intentions of posting at least once a week. What is it they say about good intentions and something to do with hell? I'm not going to fret about it because of one of my new resolutions, which is coming later in this blog. I'll just say that I wanted to write in here as much as I can so I have a place to put all my random thoughts.
So, in the last four months, so many things have changed in my life. I am now 50 pounds lighter, a regular exerciser, and a healthier eater. I actually like taking pictures and don't hide when a camera is near me. I've walked my first, and definitely not my last, 5K at a pace of about a 16 minute mile. I cook more and eat less. My clothes are big on me and I wear a belt almost every day. I feel better about myself and have a confidence that I haven't had for a really long time. Out of all of those amazing changes, the last one is the one that really means the most to me. I hadn't realized how much I didn't like myself until I really started to like myself again. I didn't realize how many excuses I made or how little faith I had in myself until I started making changes and not excuses. I am stronger than I knew and can do more than I believed.
That leads to my next random thought. In mid May, I started doing weight loss programs on the treadmill. Basically they have five minute rotation: 1 minute base speed, 1 minute a little faster than base speed, 1 minute base speed, and 2 minutes at base speed with incline. I started with level 1 for 20 minutes and thought I was going to die!! However, I kept with it and worked my way through it and increased the time. Today, after I did 10 minutes at level 2, 30 minutes at level 3, and 20 minutes at level 4, I decided to try 20 minutes of level 5 and actually felt like I could have gone longer!! I am frequently amazed at what I can do if I'm only willing to try. I'm not scared of trying new things and have learned that if the steps I try end up being too big, I don't have to give up. I can keep working and get there when I'm ready! I honestly never thought I would be able to do what I can do now and wonder what I'll be able to do in another four months!
One frustration I have had since school has started is that I have a hard time doing the workouts that I was doing this summer for time reasons. I know I can do it physically, but finding the time is a real challenge. This summer I was doing 100 minutes on the treadmill daily, taking classes at the Y, working out so much, and loving it!! But I have to remind myself that I didn't have to do anything else. I was off work and didn't have much else to do. Now that I'm back at work, finding the time is challenging. So this lead to my new resolution: I'm allowing me to cut myself some slack. I don't have to be perfect. I have my own permission to not do a workout if I had to stay at school until 6 to get things done. Don't get me wrong. I'm not happy about this and Vince and I are going to go treadmill shopping in September so I can start to workout at home on busy days. However, I know how I am. I get angry and frustrated with myself if I don't do what I think I can. I have to learn to give myself a break and allow for things to be okay. I'm not giving up. I'm not being a failure. I'm not making excuses. I'm being a human being with a lot going on in my life. I'll figure out how to get my workouts in because they are too important to me, but I'm not going to let me beat myself up if I'm not perfect. That just makes me feel bad about myself and then I start feeling bad about everything and start being too hard on myself.
So there it is. Those are my random thoughts as I continue acting on my decision.
So, in the last four months, so many things have changed in my life. I am now 50 pounds lighter, a regular exerciser, and a healthier eater. I actually like taking pictures and don't hide when a camera is near me. I've walked my first, and definitely not my last, 5K at a pace of about a 16 minute mile. I cook more and eat less. My clothes are big on me and I wear a belt almost every day. I feel better about myself and have a confidence that I haven't had for a really long time. Out of all of those amazing changes, the last one is the one that really means the most to me. I hadn't realized how much I didn't like myself until I really started to like myself again. I didn't realize how many excuses I made or how little faith I had in myself until I started making changes and not excuses. I am stronger than I knew and can do more than I believed.
That leads to my next random thought. In mid May, I started doing weight loss programs on the treadmill. Basically they have five minute rotation: 1 minute base speed, 1 minute a little faster than base speed, 1 minute base speed, and 2 minutes at base speed with incline. I started with level 1 for 20 minutes and thought I was going to die!! However, I kept with it and worked my way through it and increased the time. Today, after I did 10 minutes at level 2, 30 minutes at level 3, and 20 minutes at level 4, I decided to try 20 minutes of level 5 and actually felt like I could have gone longer!! I am frequently amazed at what I can do if I'm only willing to try. I'm not scared of trying new things and have learned that if the steps I try end up being too big, I don't have to give up. I can keep working and get there when I'm ready! I honestly never thought I would be able to do what I can do now and wonder what I'll be able to do in another four months!
One frustration I have had since school has started is that I have a hard time doing the workouts that I was doing this summer for time reasons. I know I can do it physically, but finding the time is a real challenge. This summer I was doing 100 minutes on the treadmill daily, taking classes at the Y, working out so much, and loving it!! But I have to remind myself that I didn't have to do anything else. I was off work and didn't have much else to do. Now that I'm back at work, finding the time is challenging. So this lead to my new resolution: I'm allowing me to cut myself some slack. I don't have to be perfect. I have my own permission to not do a workout if I had to stay at school until 6 to get things done. Don't get me wrong. I'm not happy about this and Vince and I are going to go treadmill shopping in September so I can start to workout at home on busy days. However, I know how I am. I get angry and frustrated with myself if I don't do what I think I can. I have to learn to give myself a break and allow for things to be okay. I'm not giving up. I'm not being a failure. I'm not making excuses. I'm being a human being with a lot going on in my life. I'll figure out how to get my workouts in because they are too important to me, but I'm not going to let me beat myself up if I'm not perfect. That just makes me feel bad about myself and then I start feeling bad about everything and start being too hard on myself.
So there it is. Those are my random thoughts as I continue acting on my decision.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Eating well without eating everything
With this 4th of July, I experienced my first holiday where people gather and eat since I started on my journey. I have to admit that I was worried about it. I've eaten out consistently since I've started living healthier, but I always do it on the weekend so I have plenty of time to work off what I eat. This time it was going to be on a Wednesday, only two days before I weighed in. Thankfully, I was eating at the house of a friend who is also on her journey to being healthier so I knew that there would be options for healthy eating. But, I was still nervous.
My friend and I met to work out in the morning before everything was starting, which made me feel better because I was doing good things to start the day. I made sure to eat light before we went: veggies, fruit, and a little protein. I knew how many points I had available for my day and reminded myself that I always have around 100 points left at the end of the week (between the 49 weekly "flex" points and the activity points I earn) so I had some flexibility. I took a fruit salad with fresh fruit (0 points) and a veggie tray with Greek yogurt ranch dipping sauce (veggies 0 points and dipping sauce 1 point for 1/4 c) so I knew there would be things to fill me up.
I am happy to report that I had a wonderful evening and ate plenty so I did not feel deprived but didn't feel ridiculously full. When I got home that night, I put everything in my Plan Manager and discovered that I had only gone over my daily points by 2 points! That was an awesome feeling! I'm really learning what I can eat and what I can't without having to feel hungry or like I'm missing out on something. The evening was doubly great. I had a wonderful time with great friends who I love spending time with and I didn't have to feel guilty or stuffed because of unwise food choices. With every new hurdle I defeat, I believe more that I really will be able to do this and that I have the strength and power to be healthy and happy! Turtle Power!!
Now I know I saved this for last because while it's wonderful news, I think what I shared above is just as powerful if not more so. This week I lost five more pounds!!! I am down 36 points and am feeling so incredible! It's been a powerful week and I couldn't be happier!
My friend and I met to work out in the morning before everything was starting, which made me feel better because I was doing good things to start the day. I made sure to eat light before we went: veggies, fruit, and a little protein. I knew how many points I had available for my day and reminded myself that I always have around 100 points left at the end of the week (between the 49 weekly "flex" points and the activity points I earn) so I had some flexibility. I took a fruit salad with fresh fruit (0 points) and a veggie tray with Greek yogurt ranch dipping sauce (veggies 0 points and dipping sauce 1 point for 1/4 c) so I knew there would be things to fill me up.
I am happy to report that I had a wonderful evening and ate plenty so I did not feel deprived but didn't feel ridiculously full. When I got home that night, I put everything in my Plan Manager and discovered that I had only gone over my daily points by 2 points! That was an awesome feeling! I'm really learning what I can eat and what I can't without having to feel hungry or like I'm missing out on something. The evening was doubly great. I had a wonderful time with great friends who I love spending time with and I didn't have to feel guilty or stuffed because of unwise food choices. With every new hurdle I defeat, I believe more that I really will be able to do this and that I have the strength and power to be healthy and happy! Turtle Power!!
Now I know I saved this for last because while it's wonderful news, I think what I shared above is just as powerful if not more so. This week I lost five more pounds!!! I am down 36 points and am feeling so incredible! It's been a powerful week and I couldn't be happier!
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