Why do I have to have two tough days in a row? Why can't I have a soft ball between days 3 and 4? I guess I should just quit my whining and get started.
So...religion...have I mentioned that religion is one of those topics that I rarely talk about with people that I don't know well? If you think about it, it probably won't surprise most of you as we probably haven't talked about religion. I think the number of people I discuss religion with can be counted on one hand. There is a reason for this. I have a real tendency to avoid discussing highly charged topics because there doesn't seem to be any point. I know what I think and you, most likely, know what you think. Nothing you say will change my opinion and it is unlikely that anything I say will change your opinion. Not to mention that my intention is not to change your opinion.
I was raised with church as a part of my life, though we were never really active in our church. We have almost always attended a Methodist church, which is interesting because my father was raised Mennonite, but we never really went to that church. My brother and I went to Sunday school until we were in junior high school and the family went to church most Sundays, though it was less when Mom was working every other Sunday. We always went to church for religious holidays and frequently went with my grandparents when we were younger. In junior high and part of high school, I was active with my church youth group and participated in youth choir. As I got further into high school, I stopped being as active because I didn't really have anything in common with the other members of the youth group and didn't really feel like I fit in.
I went to college at Southwestern College, which is a Methodist school. We had chapel services on during the week, which I didn't usually attend and forget about getting up early on a Sunday morning to go to church. My sophomore year, I started dating someone who was more interested in religion than I had been, so I started going to chapel more and occasionally attended church on Sundays. My junior year, there was a college age bible study group that was a lot of fun. A lot of my friends were involved and we always had snacks and good discussion. My senior year we continued with the bible study, but it wasn't quite as much fun.
After college, my mom used to bribe my brother and I to go to church with them. If we went to church, they would feed us at home or take us out to eat afterwards. I'm not sure that either of us was truly moved by the spirit as much as by hunger. It was a good time as a family and I never hated going.
When I moved to Connecticut, I did a half hearted search for a church, but didn't find anything that inspired me as much as either sleeping in or going to the beach on a Sunday morning. It was truly powerful to see the beauty God created on a nearly empty beach with very little to distract me. If I'm truly honest, I didn't look too hard and might have found a church if I had been dedicated.
When I moved back to Kansas, I was lucky enough to get involved with an alternative church service at the church I had attended as a child. The service was put together by a group of church members with the pastor, who was the same pastor who lead the bible study we did as juniors that was so much fun and such great fellowship. He was also the pastor who baptized me. We had such a great service with so many people getting involved. It was the most connected I had ever felt to church. We had a small but loyal congregation. The service went on for several years and I continued to love it! Through a series of unfortunate events, the church decided to eliminate the service in the most painful and uncomfortable way possible. The new pastor we had was extremely unfeeling and uncaring and consequently, I ended up leaving the church and haven't found another church since. I haven't been looking because I was hurt so badly by what happened with "my" church.
Now, none of this really tells my views on religion, but gives you some background into me and my experiences. So here go my views: I think religion can be a powerful thing in which many people can find support, comfort, strength, and love. However, it can be used to hurt other people, both on a historical level and a personal one. Religion is human based and as long as humans are involved it will be an imperfect thing. I think it is possible to have a deep and meaningful relationship with God without being aligned with a religion. I'm definitely not condemning religion, because I know many, many people find exactly what they need with their religion and their church. It's just not for me right now. I'll continue to pursue my personal relationship with my God and will find what I need that way.
Hopefully this wasn't too long or rambling, but I didn't think I could explain my views well without giving some background. And for my closing, if you've never been on a nearly empty beach in the morning, I recommend it. For me, it is the pinnacle of the beauty of God in our world. :)
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