A Whole New Paradigm

Well, crap.
Damn, this hurts.

Some variation of those thoughts ran through my head a million times yesterday. Most of the time they were profanity laced and I'll spare you from that.

For those of you who missed it, I'm injured for the first time in my journey. I went to a step aerobic class that I had been to the previous Saturday and completed without any problems. I felt fine and, in fact, my knees were feeling better than they had been all week. I started with the warm up without any problems and we were just starting the routines. Nothing too intense to start off with. I was feeling pretty good because I remembered a lot of the first routine without having to re-learn it all. I was doing a split basic step off the step and when I put the left foot down, I felt a pop in my left calf. It hurt, but I thought maybe it would be okay and tried to keep going. About two steps later, I knew that wasn't going to be the case. Long story shorter (yeah, I know it's been pretty long already), I got down to the front desk with assistance, called Vince, and we headed off to the west side Wesley ER. And as I said in my FB post, it is much nicer than the ER on Hillside.

After a pretty painful examination, the doctor said I didn't tear anything, but I did strain my calf. The plan of action is keep it wrapped so there is compression on my calf, cool packs three times a day, ibuprofen regularly, crutches as needed (not supposed to be more than a couple of days), and take it easy. A couple of important notes: I despise crutches! And I really suck at taking it easy when I have to. As my mom said when I talked to her earlier, I don't mind hanging out at home doing nothing as long as I have the option to do something if I want to. If I can't do anything else, hanging out at home doing nothing seems like a punishment of some sort.

For the first time in a really long time, I woke up on a Sunday morning and got dressed in pajama pants and a t-shirt and went to sit on the couch. It felt weird and wrong. I usually get up, put on workout clothes, and head to the basement to do my step workout. I didn't like not being able to follow my routine.

Yes, I know: I'll get back to my normal routines quicker if I slow down and rest now. Yes, I know: my body needs time to heal and if I don't give that time, then I'll risk getting hurt worse. Yes, I know: this happens and it could have been much worse. Yes, I know: I'm not a superhero and don't heal instantaneously.

However, none of that helps with the feelings I'm having. As much as I never would have dreamed it, I look forward to working out. It's become part of who I am. I love how I feel after I workout. I like that I'm losing weight and getting in shape. Now, I have to put all of that on hold, though I know I can still lose weight without working out. I have to push the pause button and accept, with limited bitchiness, that I HAVE to take it easy. Complaining won't make the time go faster and will just make those around me dread having to be around my miserable self.

So now I have to have a new paradigm. I have to shift my thinking for a while. Instead of pushing as hard as I can, I have to slow down and take my time. I have to make myself relax and take it easy. And when I start up again, I have to go slow and not push too hard. This could possibly be the toughest part of my journey so far.

So I'll continue on my journey, slowly, and, with as much resolve as I can muster, to not let it color my outlook on things. I apologize in advance if I'm bitchy. I promise I'm working on it. :)